Reconciliation has an immense reward and strong warning for people who create a wedge and division among people
Kinship is a genealogical, social, and emotional bond which shapes the sustainable family system and development. It is wholesome kinship which makes and shapes society. The ethical values bind the members and infuse the spirit of affection, love, care and sacrifices in the family. In the present technological period, the string of kinship gets weak due to an individualistic approach rather than a biophilic one. Human mental setup is in the constant stress, strife and storm which need coping skills otherwise one feels debased which has a far-reaching impact on life.
Family conflicts are now a routine part of life in our society. These stem from simple disagreement to widespread conflict and violation making havoc on the fragile mental setup of indulgent. The agreement disagreement is good for running family chores but when it becomes a domestic crisis by a pattern of behaviour or incident that exerts unfair power or control over the other it disturbs the family equilibrium. There are some common causes of domestic conflicts which arise due to substance use of one or the other family member, mental health problems which is unnoticed in members or victims, bullying nature, trust deficit among family members, financial crisis, property, inheritance distribution or unnoticed enemies who play a pro-active role in the guise of well-wisher of the family just to get some benefits or for sadistic pleasure. On mere trifle, misunderstanding or confusion many happy people and families were ruined, thousands of family cases are pending final disposal in public and private courts and councils and are lingering causing malaise in parties and trauma in family members, especially children. A lot of precious time is wasted and life becomes miserable. People are languishing in jail due to simple dissent in a family or in kinship
The wife’s attitude towards in-laws and vice versa, the attitude of relatives, indulging of spouse in extra-marital affairs or other affairs, ignoring children of any one spouse by not giving them time and care. Now all situations demand a rational approach with sincerity of intention and integrity. Conflicts are common and resolutions are more common. Family conflict is not taboo but trails. No family is without a little disturbance.
Ram Dass once said, “If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” It is wise to break the chain of conflicts for a better future life. Conflict is inevitable in any close relationship and reconciliation is also possible. If we fail to patch up timely the results will be death, destruction, depression, divorce, division, isolation and longlasting skirmishes and bickering. Avoid the situations which create a difference, anxiety, fear, anger, frustration and disappointment. It is possible when we learn conflict management or get professional help from experts. Try to get at the root of the real problem with a clear heart and foresight, self-appraisal and analysis of the family situation for a considerable time, then open the line of communication with diverse voices in the home, because lack of communication flares more tension and tribulations. Get genuine opinions from candid wise older people and ignore the recurring and festering situation till you devise a mechanism to deal with it, try to perceive the grey areas.
Healthy communication always pays in odd situations. Avoid the need to win arguments about other people, and instead, try to accept their genuine concerns and overcome the ego feelings which mar the families and relationships. Avoid the things which you feel can reignite the problem again. Forgive and forget the past and settle the best goals for life, let go of the past and build a healthy and happy future. The constant arguing should be avoided; don’t be a narcissist in approach as it develops constant bickering and discord it may develop hatred. The hatred should be overpowered by accepting own faults and accepting the blame. Ignore the festering problem like the busy schedule of one or the other family member, divvying up household chores.
It is not only the job of any internal family member to initiate the reconciliation initiative but all other conscientious people must play their part as a social obligation. Reconciliation has an immense reward and strong warning for people who create a wedge and division among people. It was narrated by Abu Darda (RA) that the Prophet (PBUH)) said, “Shall I not tell you something that is better than the status of voluntary fasting, prayer, and charity?” They said “Yes”. He (PBUH) said, “Reconciling in a case of discord, for the evil discord is the shaver. It shaves virtues and destroys religious commitment.”
The injunctions have clearly shown us the way to reconcile the bickering couples as “If you fear breach between the two, appoint an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her family if they both want to set things right. Allah will bring about reconciliation between them Allah Knows all, is well aware of everything’’ Quran( 4:35).
So family conflict is manageable and the first attempt should be made by a wiser in the family. If he/she fails, then he/she should get help from sensible relatives. Some theological intervention should be adopted to devise a strategy to address the family concerns and the misunderstanding should be dispelled by listening to each other patiently with the intention to iron out the difference and mend life which is a valued gift bestowed to mankind once. We should not waste the time in discord but rather lead a life of crown of creation in a harmonious way that is the standard of life and proof of ethical life. Happiness lies in tolerance, not in revenge and blames. Lead a life for the well-being of youngsters and a new generation.