Promoting love and unity in families will definitely show us the right path towards successful families

It was an era of glorified exaltation when there had been existing joint families in our society and members would love to work together in order to prove the unity for well-being. Such amazing care and love were idiosyncratically preserved within these families. Nuclear families had no place to survive and people were not in support of promoting this ideology for the family divisions. Members were so kind and hard-working to earn their livelihoods. Unity and a peaceful atmosphere were found across the joint family. There was no space even for minor conflicts which occurred among the members as the role played by elders. Coordination was emphasized by elders in strengthening the gaps to avoid conflicts. Children were enjoying life in joint families as they had been treated as sons and daughters. Family secrets were not disclosed to neighbours. Father and mother-in-law were highly respected by the daughters-in-law. Family bond was entwined in such a way that nobody got broken apart from it. Modesty and courtesy were common to see in women. They covered their heads with a scarf when they went outside. They had no other intention like wearing expensive dresses and jewelers. Likewise, men did not wear fashionable clothes. It was a simple life followed by all equally. With this, they earned high status with relatives and neighbours.
A high level of family understanding was observed in men and women that prevented them from conflagrations. Marriage functions were not performed extravagantly but were taken so simply. Orders were given by the head for any work obeyed by all the members. There was no pressure of work for doing. If any member suddenly fell ill, all were equally worried for his/her speedy recovery. Feelings and pure attachments were extremely high for each member. Moral lessons were given to children to attain some decency and were also made to learn the Quran. Children were taught school subjects jointly by their elders and uncles mostly took this job seriously to help them in teaching. It was the care taken for them about studies in joint families. What an environment in which these children had been nurtured! They were so fortunate to get knowledge in different subjects at home and competed with one another to win small prizes. Children would profusely love to open books after having dinner. They knew that elders would come to ask questions and scold them if not answer any. It was so a wonderful period when children relished having lunch and dinner together on big plates (Traem) made of copper metals.
Respected elders had full authority to do the yearly budgeting. They were considered like finance ministers who had to manage incomes and expenses. Everything was kept at normal and stable. A top-down approach was set up to manage things properly. By making any plan for the future, suggestions were put forward in meetings by all and the final decision was taken by the head of the family. Let’s not ignore grandmothers’ role. They usually told Kashmir’s past history to grandchildren and also enlightened them by introducing Kashmiri’s great Sufi saints. It was a great pleasure for them to receive diverse knowledge. Additionally, they were told about the life of Kashmiri people in terms of social, economic and cultural by sharing past events in Kashmir. Elders always prayed for their health and prosperity. It was usually seen on their lips by giving blessings to their grandchildren like “May Allah give you a high position and more respect”. Let’s revive past family ethos for living together. It is our collective responsibility to make people aware of family coordination and bonding. There is no progress in bifurcated families but seeing conflicts only. Joint families were based on values and principles and that is why they had shown good progress in achieving the targets. Promoting love and unity in families will definitely show us the right path towards successful families.
The writer is a science teacher and can be reached at [email protected]

Mudasir Ali