The perils of overindulgence and the importance of structure and discipline for teenagers

Narrated by Abu Hurairah, the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “When a man dies, his action discontinues from him except three things, namely, perpetual sadaqah (charity), or the knowledge by which benefit is acquired, or a pious child who prays for him.” [Sunan Abi Dawud, 2880].
Parents play a crucial role in the upbringing of a child. They are the primary caregivers, responsible for providing love, care, and guidance to their children. Parents are also the first teachers, shaping the child’s personality, values, and beliefs. However, in present times, wrong upbringing by parents has led to an increase in violent actions and attacks by children, causing suffering in society. Parenting is a challenging job, and many parents struggle to strike the right balance between discipline and love. Some parents become too strict, while others become too lenient. Both extremes can have negative consequences for the child’s development. Strict parents may create a hostile environment that can lead to rebellion, while lenient parents may fail to instill discipline, leading to a lack of self-control in the child.
In today’s society, the rise in violent behaviour among children is a significant concern. The reasons for this are complex, but a significant factor is a way children are raised. Parents who do not provide their children with proper guidance and discipline may be contributing to the problem. One of the reasons why some parents fail in their role as caregivers is that they are too busy with their work and personal lives. They may not have enough time to spend with their children, resulting in neglect and lack of attention. This neglect can cause the child to feel isolated and unloved, leading to behavioural issues such as aggression, anxiety, and depression.
Another issue is the lack of communication between parents and children. When parents do not communicate effectively with their children, the children may feel that their parents do not care about them. This can lead to a lack of trust and respect, making it difficult for the child to follow the parents’ guidance. In some cases, parents may also be responsible for their child’s violent behaviour because they themselves are violent or abusive. Children who grow up in abusive households may become aggressive and violent themselves, mimicking the behaviour they have witnessed at home.
Parents must be good role models for their children, demonstrating positive values and behaviours. They need to communicate with their children effectively, showing empathy and understanding. When children are young, they are still in the process of learning what is right and what is wrong, and the correct way to behave in their environment. It is the parents’ responsibility to teach the child how to do things properly and in a good manner.Narrated by `Abdullah bin `Umar,Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “Surely! Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges: The Imam (ruler) of the people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the guardian of his family (household) and is responsible for his subjects; a woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and of his children and is responsible for them; and the slave of a man is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible for it. Surely, everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges”[Sahih al-Bukhari, 7138].
Unlimited freedom and unreasonable luxury given to teenagers by parents can have a significant impact on their upbringing. While parents may feel that providing their children with unlimited freedom and luxury is a way to show love and support, it can have negative consequences on the child’s development and future. Moreover, unlimited freedom and unreasonable luxury can also lead to a lack of resilience and grit. This can lead to a lack of motivation to persevere in the face of adversity and a sense of entitlement that can hinder their ability to develop resilience.
Firstly, unlimited freedom can lead to a lack of structure and discipline, which can have a negative impact on the child’s sense of responsibility and accountability. When teenagers are not given clear guidelines and expectations, they may struggle to understand their role in society and what is expected of them. This can lead to a sense of entitlement and a lack of motivation to achieve their goals.
Secondly, unreasonable luxury can lead to a lack of appreciation for hard work and material possessions. When teenagers are given everything they want without any effort, they may fail to appreciate the value of hard work and dedication. This can lead to a lack of motivation to succeed in life and a sense of entitlement that can hinder their ability to achieve their goals.
Thirdly, boundless liberty and irrational amenity can also lead to a lack of empathy and understanding towards others. When teenagers are not exposed to challenges and difficult situations, they may struggle to understand the struggles of others. This can lead to a lack of empathy and a sense of superiority over others, which can cause conflict and hinder their ability to form meaningful relationships.
Parents must set clear boundaries and provide consistent discipline, which helps the child understand what acceptable behaviour is and what is not. Parents must also monitor their child’s activities and social interactions, identifying any red flags and taking appropriate action. They need to create a nurturing environment that fosters the child’s physical, emotional, and social development.
Besides parents, society as a whole also has a role to play in preventing the negative consequences of wrong upbringing. Schools, communities, and government organizations can help parents by providing resources and support. Schools can teach children social and emotional skills, helping them to manage their emotions and communicate effectively. Communities can offer after-school programs and other activities that promote positive behaviour and social interaction. Government organizations can provide funding for programs that address the root causes of violent behaviour, such as poverty, substance abuse, and mental health issues.
It is also essential to address the issue of violence in the media. Children are exposed to a vast amount of violent content, such as movies, video games, and social media. This exposure can desensitize children to violence and make it seem like an acceptable way to resolve conflicts. Parents need to be vigilant about the content their children are consuming and set limits on their exposure to violent media.
In conclusion, preventing the negative consequences of erroneous upbringing requires a collective effort. Parents, schools, communities, and government organizations must work together to create an environment that fosters positive development in children. It is essential to address the root causes of violent behaviour and provide resources and support to families who need it. Therefore, parents must take responsibility for their child’s upbringing and make sure that they are providing the best possible environment for their children. By doing so, parents can help their children develop the skills they need to achieve success in life and become responsible and contributing members of society.
The author is a researcher, writer, blogger and freelancer. Feedback at [email protected]

Daawar Bashir Ganaie