In the light of life’s darkness

In the light of life’s darkness

Be like the moon: cherish your solitude, illumine and overwhelm the darkness of your life

It has been a while now since I ceased writing, to myself and to people. It is not that the words are gone or the stories have ended. No, life is still the same. It is my soul and psyche that have backed out. Ever since the wildfires broke out inside me, there is no smothering them. The dreamy stories of the future that my family used to tell me, in which people used to live in ecstasy, those sweet lullabies, I remember everything and ask myself why they all lied to me? Was it that I trusted them or I was so devoid of experience? Every time they used to beguile me with those wile tales, I was so innocent that I would ask for the next chapter the next day.
As a child, those soft words and tender hopes filled me with so much love and life. It made me believe that the world is a better place. I was so much into flowers, rain, rivers, forests, birds, serene sky, happy people, festivity, and inquisitive about everything. The child in me used to see life as a roller coaster that only goes up. I used to believe that everything presented to me is something I am going to experience when I grow old and, like others, I would be having stories of felicity to perpetuate. I always wanted to lace up my shoes and grow older and wise, but to my dismay, there is not enough life to be alive for. Had the truth of life been made clear to me earlier, life would have been serene and simpler.
Life is more of an inward hustle. You are your companion, knight, and the only shoulder to cry on. The people around you are your tribulations. If you consider people as therapy, it is the doom of the soul. The “Kaifiyat” of every soul is different and it is impossible to understand what the bosoms store. How meticulously we hold on to some bonds and so much love, respect, and emotional energy is dissipated when these bonds break. Reflect and ponder on it with truthfulness and honesty. The journey of love initiates with oneself. When you are conscious about yourself, the things which make you happy, the hobbies that bring you peace, it brings self-reliance that everything you have is sufficient and you need no interest in it from anyone. That is when you thrive, that is your bubble of life.
You yourself are the moon, which resembles love. It is majestic, glorious, and beautiful. It lights up the darkest nights, holds all the secrets, and gives tranquility. With the moon, we are who we are. It wonderfully sails through the white clouds, alone but never lonely. The moon is a loyal companion. It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and luminous. The moon knows the predicament of being human. Uncertain. Alone. Marked by imperfections. The serene and wide open sky is enough of an abode for it. And it says, “Losing a part every day is a way to reach the pinnacle of beauty.” Be like the moon: cherish your solitude, illumine and overwhelm the darkness of your life.
We have come so far, with all the pain, in pursuit of happiness and equanimity. Life has been so strenuous and dynamic. So much of life gets wasted in mourning loss, without gaining the present moment. We forget to breathe, we forget to live. We expect to be surrounded by beautiful people, happiness, and positivity, but it is a denial of reality. Even the people who rest their heads against yours, or those who hold your hand and take you along when you are all hopeless and somber, are never going to stay. This warmth will later make you feel cold. Every single inch of your life is doomed and you are too weak to withstand this. All the enthusiasm and novelty will be lost. A human being with all its endeavors to escape from the deep void is left alone and empty at the end.
Release your “Nafs” from the shackles of materialism and malice. Raise your morale, come out of dependence and expectations, and recognize your true being. Every relationship rooted in expectations will eventually leave disappointment and regret. When you give, be it love, care, attention, respect, or anything, let your heart be content with it. Do not expect that you will get anything in return – it is not a business. Accept the fact that you do not get to pick and choose who you are surrounded with. Respect the individuality of every other human being. This life, it is inevitable, will leave all inconsolable. The eternal conviction is death: that someday we’ll disperse in the air like dust particles, obscure and ordinary. There will be no sign of us, our memories would disintegrate. These eyes which shine bright with love and hope will turn into ashes and our hearts will decay. Only lilies and jasmines will bloom in the gardens of remembrance and nightingales will sing melodies amid the wails of silence.
Duniya ki mahfiloñ se ukta gaya huuñ ya rab
Kya lutf anjuman ka jab dil hi bujh gaya ho
Shorish se bhagta huuñ dil dhuñdta hai mera
Aisa sukut jis par taqrir bhi fida ho
(Allama Iqbal)

P.S. My heartfelt gratitude to Dr Isra Khanam for all the soothing conversations.

The writer is studying medicine at SUMS, Iran. [email protected]


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