Behind every comparison lies an unseen struggle. Before asking young people why they are not like someone else, perhaps we should ask whether we have ever allowed them to become themselves.
Majid Qurashi
Not every wound leaves a scar. Some are carried silently for years, hidden behind a smile, a degree, a job title, or a social media post. One such wound is comparison. It is so common that we rarely question it, yet it quietly steals confidence, happiness, and self-worth from millions of people.
Today, comparison has become a part of our daily lives. A child is compared with a classmate who scored higher marks. A college student is compared with a cousin studying at a more prestigious institution. A graduate is compared with a friend who secured a government job. A newly married couple is compared with another family that owns a bigger house or earns a higher income. Even on social media, people compare vacations, lifestyles, achievements, and appearances with strangers they have never met. Some comparisons may appear harmless. Others leave scars that last for years.
As a young engineering student from Kashmir, I have experienced this reality myself. My educational journey was not perfect. Like many students, I could not always pursue the path I had originally imagined. I continued my studies with determination, believing that hard work, learning, and consistency would eventually create opportunities.
However, I soon realised that society often measures people differently. People rarely ask what you are learning. They ask how much you earn. They rarely ask what problems you are trying to solve. They ask which company you work for. They rarely appreciate the effort behind your journey. They compare your destination with someone who started from a completely different place.
At just twenty-one years of age, I have often been asked questions that many young people hear every day: “What is your salary?” “Who among your relatives is earning more?” “Why didn’t you choose a better course?” “Look at someone else’s son. He is already well settled.”
These questions may seem ordinary, but repeated often enough, they become a burden. They make young people feel as though their worth depends on someone else’s achievements rather than their own growth.
The unfortunate truth is that comparison does not end with education or employment. It follows us throughout life. If you score ninety percent, someone else scored ninety-five. If you buy a small home, someone owns a larger one. If you secure a good job, someone else earns twice as much. If you achieve one dream, another person’s success is presented as the new standard. It becomes a race with no finish line because there will always be someone who has more.
Families, often with good intentions, unknowingly contribute to this cycle. Parents want the best for their children, but many believe comparison is the best source of motivation. They compare siblings, cousins, classmates, and neighbours, hoping their child will work harder. In reality, comparison often produces fear instead of confidence. Children begin believing that love depends on performance. They stop celebrating their own progress because they are constantly measured against someone else’s success. Over time, many lose confidence, not because they lack ability, but because they never feel enough.
Every individual begins life with different circumstances. Some have financial security. Others struggle to pay educational expenses. Some grow up with guidance and opportunities. Others must create opportunities on their own. Comparing two people without understanding their journey is like judging two books after reading only the final page.
Modern society has made this problem even worse. Social media allows us to witness the highlights of thousands of lives every day: promotions, luxury cars, foreign vacations, expensive weddings, awards, and smiling photographs fill our screens. What we rarely see are failures, disappointments, sleepless nights, rejected applications, financial struggles, or moments of self-doubt. We compare our reality with someone else’s carefully selected moments. That comparison is unfair from the very beginning.
As an engineering student, I have learned something important. In engineering, every system has different components, each designed for a unique purpose. A processor cannot replace a battery. A sensor cannot replace a motor. Each has its own role, value, and timing. Human life is no different. Every person has a different journey, different abilities, different struggles, and different dreams. Success cannot be measured by one salary, one degree, one job title, or one social status. True success is becoming a better version of yourself than you were yesterday.
This does not mean we should stop learning from others. Healthy inspiration encourages growth. Harmful comparison destroys it. One motivates. The other discourages.
As a society, perhaps it is time we changed the questions we ask our young people. Instead of asking, “How much do you earn?” let us ask, “What are you learning?” Instead of asking, “Who is ahead of you?” let us ask, “What are you building?” Instead of asking, “Why are you not like someone else?” let us ask, “How can we help you become the best version of yourself?”
Young people today do not need constant comparison. They need guidance, encouragement, patience, and trust. They need families that celebrate effort, teachers who recognise potential, and communities that value character as much as income. A person’s value should never be determined by the number printed on a salary slip. It should be reflected in honesty, compassion, resilience, knowledge, and the positive impact they create in the lives of others.
Comparison may seem like a small habit, but its cost is enormous. It steals confidence from children, hope from students, peace from families, and purpose from countless young minds. Every person is running a different race on a different road. Measuring everyone’s journey with the same scale is neither fair nor wise.
Perhaps the happiest society will not be the one where everyone earns the most. It will be the one where people stop asking, “Why are you not like them?” and start saying, “Keep going. Your journey matters too.”
The writer is a Computer Science & Engineering Student at the Government College of Engineering and Technology, Safapora, Kashmir Â
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