My father lived without internet, less tension, and a simple life. Families spent more time together. Guests stayed for weeks – and nobody complained. Today, I sometimes say, ‘Papa, himmat hi nahi hai.’ That is the difference. Old is gold. We cannot go back. But we can share meals, spend time, say sorry, and rebuild. Let us start.
Shoiab Mohmmad Bhat
When we look back 20 or 25 years, our fathers and grandfathers lived in joint families, where uncles, aunts, fathers, sons, daughters, and their children lived together in a peaceful bond, with true love, care, and respect.
My father often talks about the life of the 80s and 90s; he tells us how they lived, without the internet, less tension, and a simple life. Families spend more time together.
They shared meals on a single Dastarkhaan (dining sheet), where everyone sat together. Even if the meal was simple, with Dal or Saag, it was tasty because it was made with hard work, fewer spices, and full of natural taste.
Homes were full of family members. Rooms were shared. When I used to visit my maternal uncle, I remember those days—the fun we enjoyed, the games we played with cousins, and how beautiful those days were. My cousin always used to say during cricket, “You didn’t tell me that catch-out is legal in cricket.”
My father also used to say that when they visited relatives, they would spend weeks or even months there. Nobody ever complained, nor did anyone show a change in mood because guests had stayed too long. Guests were treated as a blessing, and relationships were valued more than comfort.
But with time, people changed. We changed. I changed.
These were days of great warmth. People stayed together for days, sometimes months, on occasions such as marriages and engagements. Everyone felt close to each other at these gatherings.
Life was also full of strength and determination. People worked hard and faced difficulties with courage. Today, when my father asks me to do something, I sometimes reply, “Papa, himmat hi nahi hai.” That itself shows the difference between their generation and ours. They faced challenges with resilience, while we often feel exhausted by much smaller struggles.
Today, I recall those days. I want to go back to my childhood days—the days of innocence, reality, and fun.
Today’s children do not know the real fun of playing in the mud and making little toys. They spend most of their time on screens.
There is a saying, “Old is gold.” It is true when we remember the past and realise how much we miss those days of innocence, reality, and fun.
So, we need to spend time with elders and grandparents, listen to them, and think and act positively. When we sit with them and listen to their stories and experiences, we learn lessons that no book or screen can teach us.
Whenever I spend time with elders, I cannot explain how much relief and comfort I find in their company. We begin to realise how genuine, simple, and innocent they are. Their words come from experience, not from trends. Their advice is often free from selfish interests and full of wisdom gained through years of struggle and patience.
I feel at ease when conversing with them. Spend time and share my ideas freely. When around them, I have the sense that they understand me. Through them, we learn that happiness is not necessarily brought by riches, technology, or even status but rather by good relations.
I remember the poem “Once Upon a Time” by Gabriel Okara. The poem is written from the perspective of a father talking to his son. In the poem, the father laments the loss of innocence, genuine emotions, and cultural authenticity in modern society.
He remembers a time when people smiled with their hearts, but now they smile only with their faces. They shake hands warmly, yet their feelings are often not sincere. The poet feels that society has become artificial, where people wear different faces for different situations and hide their true emotions.
This poem perfectly reflects many aspects of today’s world. We have more ways to connect than ever before, yet many relationships have become weaker. We have larger houses, but smaller families. We have more followers on social media, but fewer meaningful conversations. We often greet people with smiles, yet rarely take time to understand their struggles. The simplicity and honesty that once defined human relationships are gradually fading away.
The father in the poem wants to unlearn all that he has learned and be as innocent as his child. This is similar to what most of us desire: to go back and retain our innocence in the past. We may not be able to go back, but we can surely learn from the past.
So, the question is: Can we go back to those innocent days?
Can we make ourselves the way we were in the past, like our fathers and grandfathers were?
The answer is no. We cannot bring back the past, but we can make ourselves more innocent and real again. We can share meals, spend time with our near and dear ones, and rebuild those bonds.
We need to make our lives a little simpler. Spend time with elders, parents, and relatives. Tell them, “Forget everything if I have done anything wrong to you.” Say a simple sorry to them. Just move on.
The writer is a social educator and researcher, holding a Master’s in Gender Studies and a BED
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