There is a dire need to break the cycle of extravagance and embrace simplicity and sincerity in our social customs
Rayees Yaseen
In Kashmiri society, there exists a social custom that has silently burdened families for years—the culture of giving and receiving expensive gifts on almost every happy occasion. Whether it is a child passing the 10th or 12th class, the birth of a baby, a marriage, someone securing a government job, retirement, or even obtaining a degree, relatives and friends come with gold, cash, or other costly presents. Outwardly, it appears as love, but in reality, it has turned into a heavy financial burden.
Almost every household maintains a diary of such exchanges, carefully noting the names and amounts. Later, when the same relatives have a celebration, the family feels compelled to return the same or even more. This cycle has turned relationships into nothing more than transactions. Many middle-class and poor families are forced to sell land, borrow money, or buy gold beyond their means just to maintain social status. Instead of joy, these occasions often bring hidden anxiety, and in many cases, even break relationships when one side fails to match the expectations of the other.
Islam, however, emphasises simplicity, sincerity, and the avoidance of unnecessary burdens. The Qur’an clearly warns against extravagance: “Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful.” (Surah Al-Isra, 17:27). The Prophet (SAW) encouraged giving gifts as a way of spreading love but warned against showing off. He said: “Exchange gifts, as that will lead to increasing your love for one another.” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad). This Hadith highlights that the purpose of a gift is love, not competition. A simple offering of fruits, sweets, or heartfelt prayers is more in line with the Sunnah than heavy gold or large amounts of cash. Sadly, our society has drifted away from this simplicity, replacing affection with materialism.
What we must realise is that our money should not be wasted on show-off during celebrations but used meaningfully at the time of real need. When someone is in the hospital struggling with expenses, when a family faces financial hardship, or when a neighbour is in distress, that is when our help carries true value. The Prophet (SAW) said: “The most beloved of people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to people. The most beloved deed to Allah is to bring happiness to a Muslim, or to relieve him of distress, or to pay off his debt, or to feed his hunger.” (Al-Muʻjam al-Awsaṭ). A timely contribution during difficulty is not only an act of humanity but also sadaqah that brings reward in the Hereafter and strengthens human bonds in this world.
If we wish to reform this social misfortune, change must begin with ourselves. The Qur’an teaches us: “Whoever saves one life, it is as if he had saved mankind entirely.” (Surah Al-Ma’idah, 5:32). Let us decide to break this cycle by keeping our gifts simple, avoiding competition, and focusing instead on supporting people in their times of hardship. By doing so, we will ease the burden on countless families, revive sincerity in our relationships, and align our practices with the true teachings of Islam.
The writer is a research scholar
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