When families abruptly withdraw, delay endlessly, or reject proposals without dignity, the emotional damage can be devastating. Instead of receiving support, girls face uncomfortable questions, whispers from relatives, and social pressure. The boy or his family often move on without consequences, while the girl faces endless speculation.
Muhsin Ahmad Malik
Marriage has always occupied a sacred and respected place in society. It is regarded not merely as a social contract but as a bond built upon trust, dignity, responsibility, and mutual understanding between two individuals and their families. In many communities, arranged marriages continue to play a central role in preserving traditions, strengthening family relationships, and ensuring social stability. However, behind the image of cultural respectability lies a painful and often ignored reality: the silent suffering of countless girls who become victims of emotional exploitation, character assassination, social humiliation, and financial pressure during the arranged marriage process.
While marriage discussions are intended to bring happiness and hope, they sometimes become a source of unbearable emotional trauma for girls and their families. Failed engagements, broken proposals, irresponsible behaviour, false promises, dowry demands, and public gossip frequently leave girls facing societal judgment while those responsible often walk away without accountability. The harsh truth is that the burden of failed arranged marriages disproportionately falls upon women. Society often judges girls more harshly than boys, making them vulnerable to defamation and emotional suffering. It is time to confront this injustice openly and demand accountability—socially, morally, legally, and ethically.
The Silent Emotional Burden on Girls
One of the greatest injustices in arranged marriages is the emotional burden placed upon girls. Marriage discussions often involve emotional investment from the girl and her family. Meetings are arranged, expectations are raised, dreams are built, and promises are made. In many cases, girls are encouraged to emotionally prepare themselves for a future with someone they barely know. However, when families abruptly withdraw, delay endlessly, manipulate circumstances, or reject proposals without dignity or honesty, the emotional damage can be devastating.
Many girls silently suffer anxiety, humiliation, emotional trauma, and even depression. Yet society rarely acknowledges this pain. Instead of receiving support, girls often face uncomfortable questions, whispers from relatives, and social pressure. Families are repeatedly asked: “Why did the proposal fail?” or “What was wrong?” These questions may seem harmless to some, but they often deepen emotional wounds and reinforce stigma. In many cases, the boy or his family move on without social consequences, while the girl faces endless speculation regarding her appearance, personality, family background, or so-called “character.” Such unequal treatment reflects a deeply rooted social bias that must be challenged.
No woman should feel ashamed because a marriage proposal did not succeed. Marriage is based on compatibility, mutual respect, consent, and destiny—not social competition or humiliation.
Character Assassination: A Social Evil
Perhaps one of the most disturbing realities associated with failed arranged marriages is character assassination. In many cases, when proposals collapse, rumours begin to spread. A girl’s dignity becomes the subject of gossip. People begin making assumptions without evidence. Her morality, behaviour, personal life, or family reputation may suddenly come under public scrutiny. Sometimes these rumours originate from the rejecting families themselves. Out of ego, revenge, anger, or frustration, false narratives are deliberately spread in communities to tarnish the reputation of girls. Such behaviour is not merely immoral—it is cruel.
Character assassination destroys confidence, affects mental health, damages marriage prospects, and emotionally scars victims for years. A few careless words or malicious rumours can permanently damage a person’s social standing in conservative communities. What makes this injustice worse is that society often participates in spreading rumours instead of questioning them. People forward gossip without verification, discuss private matters publicly, and become contributors to emotional violence.
The dignity of a woman should never become entertainment for society. No individual has the moral right to insult, humiliate, or question someone’s character without proof. Defamation and slander are serious wrongs that damage not only reputations but lives. Communities must recognise that silence in the face of injustice is itself a form of participation.
Emotional Manipulation and Playing with Sentiments
Another painful reality in modern arranged marriages is emotional manipulation. Some boys and their families misuse the arranged marriage process by creating false hopes, prolonging commitments, making repeated promises, or emotionally involving girls without sincere intentions. In some cases, prolonged conversations continue for months. Families exchange visits, emotional bonds develop, and expectations rise. Yet eventually, the same individuals suddenly withdraw for selfish reasons, financial considerations, or social convenience. This behaviour is deeply irresponsible.
Playing with someone’s emotions is not harmless. Emotional manipulation leaves lasting psychological consequences. Trust breaks down. Self-esteem suffers. Families experience humiliation and disappointment. Unfortunately, because emotional abuse leaves invisible scars, society often ignores it. There must be greater social awareness that exploiting someone’s emotions for entertainment, indecision, greed, or selfishness is unacceptable. Marriage negotiations should be conducted with honesty, transparency, and maturity. If a family is uncertain, they should communicate respectfully rather than keep another family emotionally trapped in false expectations. Relationships, even potential ones, involve human emotions—not transactions.
Islamic Perspective: The Sin of Injustice, Defamation, and Exploitation
Islam places extraordinary importance on justice, honesty, dignity, and respect for human beings. The honour of an individual is sacred. Defamation, false accusations, slander, deception, emotional cruelty, exploitation, and oppression are strongly condemned. The Holy Qur’an repeatedly warns against backbiting, suspicion, mockery, and damaging another person’s reputation.
Islam teaches that harming someone emotionally, spreading false accusations, humiliating others, or breaking trust irresponsibly are serious moral failings for which accountability exists before Allah. When a person knowingly destroys another’s dignity, misuses emotions, spreads lies, or humiliates innocent people, they commit Zulm (oppression) and injustice. Likewise, greed-driven dowry demands contradict the ethical spirit of marriage in Islam. Marriage in Islam is meant to be based upon compassion, mercy, responsibility, and sincerity—not exploitation or material expectations.
Islamic scholars consistently emphasise that false accusations against someone’s character are major sins. Reputation once damaged is difficult to restore, which is why honour and dignity are treated with seriousness. Those who emotionally exploit girls, intentionally delay commitments without honesty, or engage in humiliation should remember that worldly silence does not erase moral accountability. Human courts may fail. Society may remain silent. But accountability before Allah remains.
The Need for Strong Legal Action
While moral teachings matter, law enforcement must also play a meaningful role in protecting vulnerable individuals. Authorities and police institutions should treat complaints related to dowry harassment, emotional exploitation, intimidation, defamation, harassment, blackmail, or threats with seriousness. If a boy or his family intentionally manipulate emotions, misuses trust, spreads defamatory allegations, extorts financial demands, or emotionally harasses girls and families, legal action should be taken where laws permit. Police must investigate such matters sensitively and firmly rather than dismissing them as “family issues.”
Too often, victims remain silent because they fear shame, social judgment, or lengthy legal processes. The message from authorities must be clear: emotional abuse, harassment, defamation, and dowry exploitation will not be tolerated. Strong action creates deterrence. When wrongdoing carries consequences, harmful behaviour declines.
The Responsibility of Society and Local Communities
Laws alone cannot solve social injustice. Communities also bear responsibility. Local people should stop normalising families who repeatedly misuse marriage proposals, emotionally exploit girls, spread rumours, or humiliate families for selfish purposes. Respect in society should be linked to ethical behaviour, not financial status or social influence. Communities should peacefully and morally discourage harmful practices through social accountability. Harmful conduct should not be celebrated or ignored. People who repeatedly engage in manipulation, greed, emotional exploitation, or public humiliation should not receive silent approval.
Equally important, society must stop blaming girls whenever proposals fail. Instead of asking girls humiliating questions, communities should offer empathy, support, and respect. Neighbours, relatives, elders, and religious leaders must actively challenge gossip and defamation. Every rumour stopped is a life protected. Every false accusation challenged preserves dignity.
Breaking the Culture of Silence
One of the reasons these injustices continue is silence. Families remain quiet out of fear of shame. Girls suppress emotional pain because society discourages open conversations. Communities choose convenience over confrontation. This silence protects wrongdoers while isolating victims. Speaking against injustice does not weaken culture—it strengthens morality.
Parents must teach sons responsibility, emotional maturity, and respect. Families must prioritise ethics over status. Religious leaders should speak openly against dowry, defamation, and emotional exploitation. Educational institutions should teach emotional responsibility and respect in relationships. Marriage should uplift people—not emotionally destroy them.
A Call for Justice, Compassion, and Change
A society is judged not by its traditions alone, but by how it treats its daughters. No girl deserves humiliation because a proposal failed. No woman deserves to have her character questioned without proof. No family should be financially pressured in the name of marriage. No individual should be emotionally manipulated for selfish interests. Marriage is not a game. It is not a business deal. It is not an opportunity for greed, ego, or humiliation.
It is time to build a society where dignity matters more than gossip, ethics matter more than status, and compassion matters more than social judgment. Families must become more responsible. Authorities must become more responsive. Communities must become more courageous. And individuals must remember that words, actions, and intentions carry consequences—in society and before Allah.
The honour of women should never be negotiable. Protecting their dignity is not merely a social duty—it is a moral obligation.
The writer is a teacher at GMS Pinjura
ma***********@***il.com