Life does not give lessons twice; it gives the test first and the understanding later
By Nuzhat Rehman
Life cannot always be the same. To me, life is like a book with many chapters. Each is entirely different, yet all are connected. Human nature is so strange: while living through one phase, we feel it will never pass. But time is by nature not static. It always changes its colours, and we humans often struggle to adjust ourselves to its dealings. Time never aligns with our needs and demands; it has its own plan. Today, I may feel happy with the way things are, but tomorrow I may cry remembering the very same moments.
While pondering over these things, I realise that the most beautiful chapters of my life brought out the most fragile version of me, while the difficult times made my stronger, more empathetic side more visible. Though I know my loss was dearer than life itself, I had to accept it; there was no second option. The darkest chapters of life taught me lessons I could never have imagined.
When I lost my Papa, I felt the world come to a standstill. I had no more will to carry on, but time taught me that I had to move forward. Who is on this planet to shoulder my responsibilities? Everyone is struggling with their own battles. No one is going to live my life for me. It is my life, and I have to play my role. Whatever you lose is your loss; people will not mourn it forever. This is a bitter reality we must accept as it is.
All losses cannot be weighed in the same way. Some losses change us forever, bringing forward versions of ourselves we might never have imagined. My loss is like that. I lost my Papa, or, to say it truly, I lost my heartbeat, the most caring person in my life. When Papa was here, I was so dependent and fragile. I had never imagined, even in my wildest thoughts, a life without him. He was not only a father who met my daily needs but the one who guided me through thick and thin—my mentor, my teacher, the most trustworthy and lovable person in my life. I lost the strong shoulders I used to lean on. I lost the teacher who corrected my mistakes. I lost the pen that gave shape to my thoughts.
Though he still lives in every breath of mine, all my breaths are now filled with sobs. The joyous, happy person who was once my identity is now buried with him. That was the day when every meaning changed. All perceptions shifted; my thoughts are altogether different now. Life introduced me to its most pathetic and unbearable chapter.
Just as Papa taught me all the lessons of life, his death, too, taught me so much. It unmasked so many faces. I no longer believe there can be anyone who loves you unconditionally except your parents. It taught me not to rely on anyone. Now, before problems arise, I seek solutions. The world is cunning; it seldom gives you honest help, and if anyone does assist you, they may remind you of it so often that you come to hate yourself for having consulted them. We must rely on Almighty Allah and submit ourselves to Him. Only He can truly guide and help us. His love is unconditional and weighs more than the love of seventy mothers, but on the condition that we are subservient to His will.
We must not present our fragile selves before anyone. We must be strong. In truth, once we lose something so precious, strength comes automatically. To be strong is the only option available at such moments. The death of a loved one gives rebirth to a new version of ourselves—one that never existed before. It teaches us the transient nature of all things, that nothing in life is permanent. So why become so excited in our happy moments, or so despairing in our sad ones? Everything passes.
Loss always inculcates in us qualities that are loved by Almighty Allah. We learn to feel another’s pain, to suffer with the sufferer. This empathy is among the most beautiful of traits. We must learn a few principles of life: never expect anything from anyone. However much good you do for others, they may not reciprocate in the same way. Be caring and give your best to all around you. We are here for only a brief spell of time. Let our lives be a chapter worth remembering even after we leave this planet—the only legacy that remains profitable in the hereafter.
I pray that Almighty Allah helps me do what pleases Him. May He be merciful to those who were merciful to us when they were here.
Proud to be your daughter, Papa.
The writer is a government teacher
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