Murder, she watched

Murder, she watched

A lifelong fan of CID learns from it the trick of eluding judgemental people and staying on track of one’s own interests

Hello, CID?

Sir, maine hi aapko phone kiya tha

Crime is not just a television favourite, of course; books and movies and video games are likewise obsessed. But it is most noticeable on TV, where on any given weeknight you can turn on the television and have your pick from several crime procedurals, then flip over to a premium streaming service and have your choice of more high-minded murderous offerings: true crime, prestige murder dramas, supernatural detectives, detectives working a case across multiple timelines, and so on.
We like crime stories because they’re full of all the things we’re not allowed to do, all the dark corners of the human imagination we know we shouldn’t indulge, all the scariest, most alluring, most sensational kinds of behaviour we could never do because it’d blow up our regular lives, but which would make things so much more exciting if we did.

Kahaan hai laash?

I started watching CID, an Indian television series that used to be broadcast on Sony entertainment television, in the year 2007, when I was 7 years old. Since we didn’t had a television at home and it was the time when we didn’t probably know what Android systems or internet was, I used to watch the series at all the places, except my home, which included homes of my maternal relatives, neighbours and even some hospitals’ waiting rooms. I remember that I’ve asked so many receptionists to switch to Sony TV in the waiting rooms of hospitals and clinics and even the shopkeepers who had TV sets in their shops. I grew up watching and re-watching each and every episode of CID. I watched the same episodes so many times that the next time as soon as the episode started, I would be foreseeing the whole murder story and the killer’s strategy and, of course, the killer too. But that never made me lose interest in it; I would still re-watch the episodes with equal enthusiasm and, honestly, pride. I’ve literally grown up watching this series and I’ve gained a deeper insight into how crimes take place and how people deal with them, though I know it’s all fiction, because practically things don’t work like that.
People around me said that with every new episode I was learning a new technique of murder or some other crime and suggested me to switch to something better. Since I was so very interested in criminal psychology, in the year 2017 I was asked, rather forced, to watch Raymond Reddington in the American thriller crime series, The Blacklist. I remember while I started watching that show, a super-hit show which still continues to amuse and fascinate audiences all over the world, I used to cry. Because I missed Abhijeet and Daya. I missed everything about them; I even missed those overrated and nonsensical jokes of Fredricks and Pankaj (the sub-inspectors).

Daya, tod do darwaza

I understood that I was being dumb or probably acting for everyone else apart from my own self but I knew that since I had stopped watching CID, my world had collapsed, my emotions and my childhood had collapsed. It was a show that allowed me to temporarily forget all the reasons to feel anxiety, especially during the wretched times, and helped me exist somewhere else for a few minutes or hours. I used to find ways and places where I could watch it; I would secretly roam through my neighbourhood to see who could give me some place and time to watch even a single episode, because, like I said, we never had a TV at home. Days, months and years passed by. I got my phone, I got my own internet, I found my own space and I found my literal independence – independence of watching something for which I was being judged constantly by every single person around me for more than 10 years. For all these years, I was so dependent on others for even a single episode, be it my neighbours, my relatives or others; the dependency seems and sounds very funny now, while I’m writing this, but I feel happy and relaxed as I’m putting probably my funniest obsession in front of people, probably the same people who always criticised me for it. I’ve watched CID through the thickest and thinnest phases of my life and each time I’ve felt better, at peace.

Aatma jaisi koi cheez nahi hoti

I’ve watched how ACP Pradyuman appointed so many different officers; I’ve watched him killing his own son who had taken to the path of crime; and I’ve watched his tiffs with DCP Chitrole. I’ve watched Daya breaking all kinds of doors and how he makes the toughest of criminals break down. I’ve watched him cry at Shreya’s engagement because he really loved her. I’ve watched Abhijeet flirting with Tarika but genuinely I felt he really likes her; in fact, both of them like each other. I know the whole story behind his memory loss and the episodes associated with it. I’ve watched Fredricks being sacred of his wife all the time and I’ve watched him and Pankaj screaming at the name of ghosts. I’ve watched Dr Salunke and Tarika working together and I’ve watched them make so many new, amazing discoveries. I’ve watched Dushyant, Sachin, Kavin, Rajat, Vivek, Purvi, Shreya, Jaiwanti, Divya and even the least featured characters. I’ve watched all of them and I’ve understood and remembered all the affairs and matters associated with them. I’ve seen them in different avatars, in different cases, in different conditions and I’ve followed them all.

Khooni aap sab mein se hi koi hai

While I write this analysis of my obsession, I hope I get married to someone who has no objection with it, who doesn’t judge me on this basis like everyone else does, and I hope I’ll make my children watch it. I hope I’ll meet all the officers someday, each one of them; to thank them for making my childhood so, so wonderful. I’ve never watched cartoons in my life because I never needed more of entertainment. I’ve only watched CID. I still watch it and I’ll re-watch it because it’s like a ritual for me, a necessary ritual.
The purpose of writing this piece was only to ask this: Is there anything wrong with watching CID? Does it make me a psychopath or a crime-seeking person? Does it give everyone a reason to judge me? Does it make me crazy? Or does it make me suspect of any murder taking place around me?

Ab saari zindagi jail mein baith kar paise gintey rehna… phaansi ka order aaney tak

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