At the very creation of this majestic universe, the only element through which such a huge existence came into being was the divine love, known in Quranic terminology as the Command of “Be!”(Kunn!). This divine love, or in other words, the Breath of the Compassionate, made blossom the existential realities which like spring flowers perfume this huge universe and through which every single entity whether physical or metaphysical came into life and continues so till this universe lasts.
When Allah created Adam as an Ashraful Makhlookat, he created in him what Jinns and Angels were lacking, like a sound heart and an intellect rooted in the soul. Long before his migration down to this planet earth, Adam was also provided with all necessary elements and qualities which could make his earthly life easy and binding to the divine path that leads to the Almighty. To be the perfect example of the holy verse, “We created you in pairs” (78:8), Hazrat Hawa was created as the truer reflection of God’s own Jamaal (Beauty) which perfected the needs of total peace and calmness and mutual upward moment of both Adam and Hawa.
Hazrat Hawa as the living epitome of love, fragility, and grace, presented to Adam so that they can peacefully dwell inside the Jannat and then down on the earth. So the very beginning of this whole mankind was initiated on the note of love.
The importance of the mutual dependence of Adam and Hawa as a male and female is equally stressed in the holy verse, “We created you in pairs”, which proves that the life given by Allah to us was never ever motiveless or without any set of goals. It lays bare one of the perennial facts that we have already been chosen for one another as perfect partners to share the innate purposes in this earthly life. Now, how we have to live with our partner to be close to the divinely ordained human perfection and what we must do in order to save our homes from uncertainties and many other problems and poverties arising with the passage of time, here are few points meriting our attention at all times:
• Being created on the divine scheme and perfected by the grace of God’s qualities like Jalal and Jamaal, we, both males and females, have to show the high standard of morals and manners rooted in that divine love at every step of our lives. We always have to work to strength and support the basics of the relationships. Love and respect should be the Alpha and Omega of the philosophy of our mutual life to reap the infinite heights in this life and hereafter. Our life being so short, we should not plant anything but love to experience the perfumes down the line.
• Marriage is the perfect partnership of the mutual love and life sharing between a male and female. It completes our half faith and the other half gets purified side by side. It restricts us from harmful things and leads us to live a pious, prosperous and purposeful life. As is made clear by the holy Quran, we all have already been chosen for someone, whether that person is good or otherwise. If such a person is pious, then jazakallahhukhair. If he/she happens to be contrary to expectations, here our trial starts in the way of Allah. Our patience gets examined, which essentially bears fruits in other ways and not according to our expectations. We must strive to seek satisfaction within our essence which alone breaks the outward shells and tears down temporary postures on our faces and that of our partners. To live in this finite world, our mutual life and goals assigned to us, particularly in the married period, must not be confined to this world only; rather, the perfection as per Islam is already set within our nature which commands us to look towards transcendence and beyond. Our deepest needs, such as having hope, finding meaning in life, discovering happiness, learning to face tribulations, pain, sorrow, and misery, and being able to confront the reality of death, etc, are only addressed by the mutual love and understanding and giving each other time to perfect one’s nature. Hence, the relationship between the two should fulfil needs and complement the aspects of our both worlds.
• There must be a total surrender of hearts and minds between the partners of life. They must function as the two parts of the same reality and soul and the bridge between the two must not be anything but love. Then, the bigger picture of a family becomes perfected by the time we start a good change in us before we want others to initiate it. The bond of two partners will be strong in this way only. We have to understand our responsibilities and not to find faults in each other. Nobody is perfect in this world. We are in a world of trials where at each step Allah wants us to know who we actually are. The circumstances make us or fail us. Each and everybody does have a history of sorrows and miseries, which means we must respect the infirmities of each other and try our level best to enrich other physically, emotionally as well as spiritually.
• In comparison to males, females are delicate and fragile in nature, so must be looked after with utmost care and love. Her rights being an equal partner of life must be provided at all costs and attempts be made to respect them as much. She must not be imprisoned between the kitchen and the bedroom of the house. She is the progenitor and guardian angel in human shape who raises every single soul known to human history in her lap, hence she needs full freedom to nourish herself and her soul in every sense. The due respect and care we give her has direct bearings upon all generations coming out of her down the line. The manliness of a man is proportionate to his grade of respect for the fragile heart of a woman.
• The heart of a man is said to be the “temple of God” and that of a woman is logically the greater temple of God since she carries the burden of mankind in her womb. She is having the Jannat under her feet for which our whole humanity strives day and night. Seen in this context, the respect meted to her must be the priority within our homes and outside. She must not be looked upon as a means for lustful needs, nor be purchased by anything like gold and property. The only criteria with which a woman be weighed is love and respect, which must not subside even after deterioration sets in her physical body in time.
• Within the confines of our homes, we should develop the unique codes and languages based solely upon love. We must initiate our talks deeply embedded in mutual love and compassion. Each member of the family must enjoy full freedom within these republics of love that only can enrich their lives and nourish their personalities amid the daily vagaries. The toxicities as borne out of the contradictions in our social relationships should not be given any space within the closed doors of our homes. They should be set aside with love and smiles.
• Modern couples are completely infatuated and enticed with everything modern and the so called western lifestyle, which translates into worldliness, power, pomp and show, and the never-ending material gain. Such interest-based relations are a dangerous culture in which we don’t respect members who don’t earn a fat salary or don’t earn any income. It is incumbent upon us to save everything traditional within our homes where both the younger and the aged get highest respect and freedom, not as per their pockets.
The lifelong partnership between souls is thus beautiful as long as it carries the perfumes of mutual love and respect. They will never be fed up looking at the faces of each other till Ibn-e-Adam happens to the king of the heart of Bint-e-Hawa and the same Bint-e-Hawa must be the noor of Ibn-e-Adam’s eyes. Their words must be music to their ears and their smiles have the effect of spring in their gardens. Despite all ills within our traditional societies and the helplessness of the modern man in front of the socio-economic challenges, our mutual love is still very much alive and quite accessible for those who seek. It is still the only antidote to most ills of our lives and uncertainties within our homes. Love is the divine current which flows between souls and keeps them alive. Let us love, let us live.

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Samiya Bint Nazir