Grief is a complex, multifaceted emotion that grips us in the wake of losing someone we love. It is both intensely personal and universally experienced, yet each journey through grief is unique. My journey began when I lost one of my most cherished loved ones to pancreatic cancer—a diagnosis that shattered our world and set us on a path filled with heartache, resilience, and ultimately, a deep sense of loss.
It all started with subtle symptoms: a slight loss of appetite, persistent fatigue, and mild abdominal discomfort. These were symptoms that could easily be attributed to stress or a minor illness. However, when they persisted and began to escalate, we knew something was wrong. My loved one Mamuji, decided to see a doctor. After a series of tests, the diagnosis came back as pancreatic cancer.
Pancreatic cancer is notorious for its stealth. Often called the “silent killer,” it rarely presents symptoms until it is in an advanced stage. For Mamuji, the diagnosis came as stage III pancreatic cancer, a stage where the cancer had already spread to nearby organs and blood vessels. The gravity of the situation hit us like a ton of bricks. We were faced with a prognosis that offered limited hope and an aggressive treatment plan that promised a gruelling journey ahead.
From the moment of diagnosis, our lives were consumed by the fight against this relentless disease. Mamuji was a beacon of strength and determination. Despite the bleak prognosis, they were determined to fight with everything they had. The treatment plan was aggressive: a combination of chemotherapy, medication and surgery. Each step in the process was a gruelling test of Mamuji’s physical and emotional strength.
Chemotherapy was the first line of attack. The side effects were brutal—nausea, vomiting, extreme fatigue, and hair loss. Yet, through it all, Mamuji remained steadfast, finding moments of strength to smile, laugh, and even comfort us, their family and friends, who were equally devastated. Watching someone you love endure such pain is excruciating. We felt helpless, able only to provide comfort and support as Mamuji braved the storm.
Yet, even in the midst of such suffering Mamuji’s spirit remained unbroken. They found solace in small victories—a good day, a meal kept down, a moment of laughter shared.
Throughout this harrowing journey, there were moments of grace that provided us with strength and hope. Friends and family rallied around Mamuji, offering support in ways big and small. Meals were prepared, errands were run, and countless hours were spent in hospitals and at home, ensuring Mamuji never felt alone in their fight.
Despite the rigorous treatments, the cancer continued to progress. The realisation that the treatments were no longer effective was devastating. We were forced to confront the harsh reality that time was running out. The focus shifted from trying to cure the disease to providing comfort and quality of life for Mamuji in their remaining days.
The final days were a mixture of intense sorrow and profound love. We gathered around Mamuji, sharing stories, laughter, and tears. Each of us had our own way of saying goodbye, finding solace in the memories we shared and the love that bound us together.
One of the most heart-wrenching moments for me was when he left so suddenly without any warning. He only mentioned feeling short of breath, and then he was gone. It’s hard to grasp that those moments, when he was still speaking to us, were our last with him. It was a moment of raw, unfiltered emotion that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
Losing Mamuji left a void that can never be filled. The days and weeks following their passing were a blur of grief and disbelief. I found myself lost in memories, struggling to comprehend the reality of their absence. The pain of loss was compounded by the silence—the absence of their laughter, their voice, their presence.
Grief is a journey, one that does not follow a linear path. There were days when the pain felt unbearable, and others when the memories brought a bittersweet smile to my face. I found solace in the support of friends and family, in sharing stories about Mamuji, and in honouring their memory through acts of kindness and love.
As days passed, I began to find ways to cope with the loss. The loss of a loved one to pancreatic cancer is a devastating experience, one that leaves an indelible mark on the hearts of those left behind. Yet, amid the pain and sorrow, there is also a legacy of love that endures. Mamuji’s strength, courage, and unwavering love continue to inspire me every day. Their memory lives on in the stories we share, the laughter we remember, and the love we carry in our hearts.
In the end, grief is a testament to the depth of our love. The pain of loss is a reflection of the joy and connection we experience. While the journey through grief is never easy, it is a journey that ultimately leads to a deeper understanding of love, life, and the enduring bonds that connect us all.
Losing Mamuji to pancreatic cancer was one of the most painful experiences of my life. It was a journey marked by immense suffering, profound love, and ultimately, a deep sense of loss. Yet, through it all, there were moments of grace and beauty that provided strength and hope. The support of friends and family, the compassionate care of the medical team, and the enduring love of Mamuji helped us navigate this difficult path.
As I continue to move forward, I carry Mamuji’s memory with me, finding ways to honour their life and their fight against this devastating disease. Through advocacy, creative expression, and acts of kindness, I strive to keep their legacy alive. While the pain of loss will always be a part of me, so too will the love and joy that Mamuji brought into my life.
In sharing our story, I hope to provide comfort and support to others who are facing similar journeys. Grief is a universal experience, yet each person’s journey is unique. By coming together, sharing our stories, and supporting one another, we can find strength in the midst of sorrow and hope in the face of loss.
The writer is a teacher at the Department of Education. He can be reached at [email protected]

Ishtiyaq Rashid