From familial pressure to social stigma—why India’s competitive exam culture is failing adolescents, and what we must change
In contemporary India, particularly in regions like Kashmir, preparing for the NEET-UG examination has evolved from a personal career decision into a societal expectation. For many parents, their sense of success and fulfilment seems incomplete unless their child is preparing for NEET—regardless of the child’s interest or emotional readiness. Whether the student qualifies or not becomes a secondary concern. What matters most to families is participation in the so-called “NEET race.”
Before we initiate our children into this high-pressure academic journey, it is vital to consider two key factors:
- The adolescent stage, marked by emotional and psychological sensitivity.
- The acceptance that both success and failure are natural outcomes of any effort.
Children must be taught to approach their goals with sincerity and hard work, but parents must also reassure them that their love and support are unconditional—not dependent on ranks or results. Unfortunately, the idea of raising “successful children” has taken priority over raising emotionally healthy and happy children—and this mindset is where the crisis begins.
The emotional weight of adolescence
Adolescence is not merely a biological phase but a deeply emotional and psychological period that demands careful handling. It is a time of identity formation, emotional volatility, and heightened sensitivity to societal expectations. Before enrolling children into the rigorous and often unforgiving world of competitive exams like NEET, parents must develop an understanding of this critical phase.
A study conducted by Jha and Singh (2019) found that academic pressure is a significant predictor of depression and anxiety among adolescents. Despite such alarming evidence, many parents continue to treat their children as machines designed to produce results. The emotional well-being of the child takes a backseat in the pursuit of ranks and qualifications.
The famous Hawthorne Experiment by theorist Elton Mayo emphasised that human productivity increases not through pressure or monetary rewards, but through empathy, recognition, and emotional connection. He argued that man is not merely an economic being but a social one. Similarly, students need acknowledgement, warmth, and understanding—not just coaching, criticism, and performance metrics.
We must ask ourselves: Are we building our children up, or breaking them down in the name of success?
The Kashmir context
In the specific context of Kashmir, these issues are even more deeply felt. As a social science student who interacts with students daily, I have come to realise the depth of emotional suffering that often remains hidden behind quiet faces and polite smiles. Depression, anxiety, and social fear are disturbingly common.
One NEET dropper once told me, “Be chhus maamas khoacxaan”—“I’m scared of my maternal uncle.”
This one sentence, in the Kashmiri language, speaks volumes about the shift in our emotional culture. Once upon a time, a maternal uncle’s home was a symbol of comfort, love, and acceptance. Today, for many students, even that space has become one of fear and judgment.
The pressure to qualify for NEET or other competitive exams is not only a personal burden but a social weight—carried into every family gathering, every neighbour’s comment, every casual conversation. Worse still, students who opt for alternative paths such as the Arts after failing NEET are often treated as social outcasts, stripped of dignity and purpose.
This emotional rejection gives rise to a new group of disillusioned youth who feel alienated from their families, society, and future. They carry a silent resentment, a feeling that they were never accepted for who they were—only for what society expected them to become.
A cultural and institutional shift is needed
Addressing this emotional crisis requires both a cultural and institutional shift.
At the family level:
– Return to the basics of parenting: love, care, time, and emotional presence.
– Check in regularly with children—not just about marks or preparation, but about how they feel, what fears they carry, and what support they need.
– Move from performance-based parenting to presence-based parenting.
At the institutional level:
– Schools and colleges must urgently establish Guidance and Counselling Wings across middle schools, higher secondary and universities.
– These spaces should be staffed with trained mental health professionals who can guide students through stress, anxiety, and decision-making.
– These safe spaces would offer students a chance to speak openly, receive expert help, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
The future of our youth cannot be left to chance or social pressure. Without timely intervention, we risk raising a generation that is academically tested but emotionally fractured.
The time has come to replace the question “Did you qualify?” with “Are you okay?” Because at the end of the day, a mentally healthy, emotionally supported child is far more valuable to society than a rank-holder battling depression in silence.
The writer is a Political Science scholar
Liyakat Nazir
wa*********@***il.com