Spring-cleaning my room, I stumbled across a photograph of mine. With tears in my eyes, I still remember the worst of the times. The times I felt completely numb to anything. The times I was ruining myself, consciously or subconsciously. The times when even the most trivial thing would cause me a nervous breakdown. And the times when there seemed to be no way out for me. I was totally caught in something unrelenting. What could have been, I struggled to find the answer then. Or the answer was escaping me.
I see the bright brown eyes I have in this picture. They are as beautiful as anything there is. But they reflect the shadow of some cruel demons eating away at my fragile psyche. I see my expressionless face. I see my hair, uncut and uncombed. And I see everything that makes my heart scream, ‘God, life was no good.’
Instead of turning my attention toward matters that concern me, I would just wander the streets. Putting off my stuff. Agreeing to people’s selfish wishes and demands. Ruminating over my future would always end up in cigarette ends and in sleep. That’s what my life was all about… for a very, very long time.
Now my life has changed. Times have changed. I am no longer in a rut. I have become the perfect example of the best stoic. Nothing affects me. I am the happiest earthling. A miracle, I should say, and be indebted to.
Burning the photo, I bid my past good-bye.
The writer enjoys seclusion and surfs the web. Always. [email protected]