Memories, you have me in thrall

Memories, you have me in thrall

The only reason why I am writing about my experiences is that I want everyone to know how it feels to collect beautiful memories and keep them safe in a special part of the heart

Sometimes even if I don’t want to remember a particular thing, my mind still captures it and engraves it in my heart. It’s beautiful how pictures of the past affect me, even now when I hark back to them. I live those days again and again every time I want to.
It’s fascinating that even though I am so forgetful about certain things, I still manage to preserve some of them in my heart and my mind. Sometimes I don’t even remember what I had for lunch (or even if I’ve had lunch at all) but still I remember the first day my grandfather grasped my hand and took me to the school nearby and got me admitted there. I still remember the look on his face when he left me there and said, “Study now, you are admitted here”.
I still remember those days when I used to go school with a big bag wearing a shirt and jeans with a short haircut and my classmates used to tease me saying that I look like a boy. How can I forget the day when I sang a song on the Annual Day of the school when I was in 10th grade. And then came the period that I cannot forget for the rest of my life, the higher secondary, when I left my school after 13 years and to go for the first time to another school to study. I felt totally invisible, like I didn’t even exist there, but I can’t forget that time because that made me who I am today.
I remember the day when I was attending the morning assembly and a girl was delivering a speech and a thought erupted in my mind: “I also want to express myself”. But I knew somewhere in my heart that I can’t, even though I had a lot to say. That’s when I decided to buy a diary and write whatever I wished to say. I still remember the time I went to the shop and bought the diary and I still remember each and every day I wrote on that diary.
Then I got enrolled in college but before I could even start to experience college life, Covid-19 devastated everything. But I can’t deny the fact that during that very period my first article got published in Kashmir Reader newspaper. I still remember how I smiled the whole day like an idiot and how extremely proud I was.
Then I started going to college and started attending classes there, and Asgar sir read to us the travelogue by Pico Iyer. I was really inspired and I decided I’ll write about this topic one day. I wrote about that after some time, and I still remember how nervous I was when I thought about posting this article in the college group. My sister forced me to post it anyway. I can never forget the joy and the excitement that I felt at the time when everyone in the group praised that article. Then there was no turning back. I started writing different articles and it has now become part of my routine. The beautiful memories that I’ve collected from the past one year are just priceless, whether it be the pleasure of seeing my pieces getting published, the joy of getting appreciated by Asgar sir and luqman sir, or the love and support that I’ve received from my teachers.
The only reason why I am writing about my experiences is that I want everyone to know how it feels to collect beautiful memories and keep them safe in a special part of the heart. I want everyone to know that we all have memories, some of them worth remembering and some of them worth letting go. Like I have the memory of when I lost my brother who was just born (it was a big deal for a family with five girls and no boy). I was little but I still remember how scared I was when I saw so many people at our place. I remember the time we heard of my uncle’s death and how my mother started crying and how I was forced to come along and see him for the last time, and how I refused because I was, and still am, too scared to see a dead person. These memories are worth letting go because they just give a painful sensation.
I don’t like writing about my personal affairs but today I thought, let’s do it, let’s see how it goes and maybe through the article I’ll finally engrave the good memories in my heart and erase the bad memories from my mind forever. Maybe through it, everyone who reads this article will remember the good memories that they have in their heart and if they are suffering alone from the bitterness of some memories, I want them to know that they are not alone; I want them to know that it’s good to let these bad memories fade away. Pain is inevitable but happiness is inevitable, too. As the year 2021 is leaving I want to stay still for an hour and remember all the good memories that I have from 2021. I hardly recall the bad experiences but once something good happens with me or around me, I just recall it a hundred times.
I know it’s hard but let’s live for the sake of the good things and face the reality with a smile and let’s forget everything that hurts us.

—shafiyawani33@gmail.com

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