No W in Vulnerability: Men feel it as much as Women

No W in Vulnerability: Men feel it as much as Women

Vulnerability does not make anyone weak or lesser; if anything, it makes us all the more human. It is not easy being upfront about what you are going through, but it is not impossible either. The world needs more empathy and kindness. The sense of vulnerability may differ from person to person; for many, the term invokes thoughts and feelings of discomfort, weakness, fear, pain, betrayal and uncertainty. Today I had time off to reflect and I feel compelled to share some personal thoughts on vulnerability.
The lesser emotion
Apart from being a highly misunderstood state of emotion, vulnerability is a very real phenomenon. It is that one black sheep in the family of emotions that was never appreciated for who it was. The very fact that every incomplete, broken, weak, damaged, not-so-whole aspect of life is brushed under the umbrella of “the black sheep” speaks a lot about our society. Not to forget that this very broken, unused and mangled umbrella often is seen as an accessory of femininity. In layman’s terms, emotions, especially the unexplained, slightly wavering ones, are attributed to females – the lesser ones in society.
Vulnerability with a W
As much as this goes against the gender equality debate, it has normalised women as being emotional wrecks. Women embodying and displaying emotions such as vulnerability is a standard trope. In times when feminism and women’s rights are blowing the bugles for societal change, it is, ironically, the men who suffer from vulnerability in silence. Men, the stronger half of society according to common belief, suffer from the deadliest disease: not being vulnerable. Why is a man expressing and accepting himself to be broken, incomplete, damaged and vulnerable, not the accepted idea of a man? What is harder for us to accept: vulnerable men or men comfortable with their vulnerability?
Breaking stereotypes
You see a man wiping the tears of a woman and you find it endearing. You see a girl cry her heart out and you feel her pain. But why is it so unnatural to see a man crying uncontrollable tears and be normal about it? Why is it so unnatural that it makes you squirm? Bloodshot eyes of men in cinema should give a little more screen space to tear-stained faces. Not just any tear-stained face, but a tear-stained face so constant that the man forgets to wipe it. The man does not have to put on a smile to look strong when there’s a dam within him that could break any moment. He does not have to drive off somewhere, cry where no one is looking, and come back as if nothing happened. He does not have to lock himself in a room to cry his heart out. He does not have to hide his tears from his men friends. And his men friends do not think of him as a lesser man when he does so.
Contrary to common belief, patriarchy has done plenty of damage to men, too. A lot lesser damage to men than to women, true, but damage nonetheless. As unbelievable as it may sound, privileged are those who can be proud of the emotions they have. The bottom line is, vulnerability is human, not feminine. It may be unconventional, unaccepted, unfitting to the set moulds of gender, but it is still there. It makes none of us any lesser a man or a woman, only a lot more human.

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