This article argues that the movement for equality has devolved into a culture of male degradation, citing false allegations, societal double standards, and alarming suicide statistics as evidence of a growing, unaddressed struggle
Raqif Makhdoomi
“Be a man.” “Men don’t cry.” “Face it like a man.” “Are you even a man?” “Start earning; you are a man.” “Mard ko dard nahi hota.” “Men don’t have emotions.” “Men are cheaters.” “Men don’t understand feelings.”
Haven’t you heard all these statements? Of course, you have. To avoid being bullied for expressing themselves, men have learned to internalise their emotions, and now their hearts feel heavy. In today’s world, men are often cornered simply for being men. The statement “You are a man” is used to silence them and force them to suppress their feelings. In every aspect of life, men are becoming victims, and society fails to recognise their struggles simply because they are “men.”
We are all familiar with a movement that has now been reduced to a mere term: “Feminism.” Its original aim was to establish equality between men and women, but it has ended with reserved seats for women on buses and separate public toilets. When the movement gained momentum, it introduced the hashtag #MeToo, encouraging women to speak up against the violence they faced. However, with time, it became apparent that many of these allegations were false, fabricated merely to gain sympathy. By then, the reputations of the falsely accused men were already tarnished, with no apologies offered. The movement turned into a stage for settling personal grudges with ex-partners or ex-husbands. Degrading men became a routine part of this movement, and since then, it has become a norm to equate men’s degradation with women’s empowerment.
I fail to understand how society has accepted these norms since the launch of this “women’s empowerment” movement. Was it started by someone with a personal vendetta, or was it hijacked and derailed? Whatever the reason, the movement has ended miserably, creating a space where degrading men is mistakenly seen as a sign of empowerment. When a woman shouts at a man, she is celebrated; when a man shouts at a woman, he is labelled abusive, dominating, and vulgar. Feminism has taken a step further: slapping a man is seen as a sign of an empowered woman, but if a man slaps a woman, he loses his “manhood.” I fail to understand how society has set these double standards.
Had this movement been genuinely focused on combating dowry, the stigma against having a girl child, or preventing rape, it could have been successful. Instead, it has been reduced to demanding seats from men on public transport, separate washrooms, and job reservations. It has done little good but has unfairly painted men as de facto rapists, which they are not. Men do not see women as toys for their amusement. They love them and would go to any length to keep them happy. The modern term “Pookie” is widely used for a loved one. Men strive to be the perfect “Pookie” for the women they love, yet they are still labelled “playboys” or “cheaters.” Their efforts are often dismissed with statements like, “They are like this only until they get you, and then they will mistreat you.” This is not true. Men give their all in everything they do, yet their efforts go unrecognised simply because they are “men.”
Another troubling trend viral on social media is the phrase, “Don’t marry a mama’s boy,” often touted by self-proclaimed “feminists.” According to this logic, after marriage, a man must become his wife’s “yes-man” and cut ties with his mother. This is a deeply flawed expectation. How can anyone expect a man to abandon the mother who raised him, enabled him to earn a living, and take on responsibilities? A true partnership cannot demand such a sacrifice. Neither a husband nor a wife should ever ask their partner to disown their parents. Anyone who makes such a demand is acting irrationally and should be confronted.
Men are often accused of demanding dowries, but have we ever spoken about the demands placed on men? A government job has become a prerequisite for marriage. A man must be earning a certain amount. These issues are so normalised that they are no longer seen as problems. A woman does not face the same requirements to get married as a man does. Yet, these issues are rarely part of the public debate because they have become ingrained in our society.
We often discuss women committing suicide due to various factors, but do we ever talk about male suicides? The statistics tell a stark story. While men are diagnosed with depression at half the rate of women, they are three to four times more likely to die by suicide. In 2021, the male-to-female ratio of suicide victims was 72.5:27.4, and in 2020, it was 70.9:29.1. The total number of male suicides in 2021 was 118,979, compared to 45,026 female suicides. This glaring disparity should compel us to stop using “Be a man” to dismiss men’s emotions. Mental strength is not inherent to any gender; it is shaped by experiences, personality, and resilience.
When it comes to relationships, both genders are capable of infidelity. Placing the entire burden on one gender is an evasion of responsibility.
Even the Supreme Court of India has raised an alarm about fake domestic violence cases. The apex court expressed concern over the number of false cases filed against partners under Section 498A of the IPC. This legal provision has become a tool for harassing husbands and their families, with no equivalent law to protect men. According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), in 2022 alone, 34,662 cases filed by women were found to be false.
Men, too, have emotions, and they, too, want to be heard. It is time we start considering men as human, just as we do women. The day may not be far when we are forced to start a “Menism” movement to safeguard men’s dignity and rights.
The writer is a law student and rights activist
ra***************@***il.com