Empowering men and women to share domestic responsibilities promotes respect, reduces gender conflicts, and honours the sacrifices of mothers in society
By Humaira Jan
In foreign countries like China, Korea, etc., children, especially boys, living apart from their families acquire skills in cooking, cleaning, etc., and thus maintain perfect independent behaviour. They are the people who are more successful, dignified, and genuinely respected and loved by their families. However, it is unfortunate that this is rarely observed in a conservative society like Kashmir.
People, including women themselves, regard household chores like cooking, cleaning, washing, and other housework as undervalued, and it doesn’t remain unnoticed that this produces degrading results. At first, the older generation didn’t respect these tasks, and soon the younger girls also embraced detachment from them. Now, they are unaware of this and do not want to do it. They might not openly regard it as disrespectful, but inwardly, they consider and confirm it as insignificant.
It’s not that they never learn it, but later, for the in-laws, it’s seen as a demeaning and unwise act. This has led their mothers to shoulder the burden alone in a big house. But it is not the girls’ fault. Men must acknowledge their role in this mentality.
A mother does all the work—she even places a teacup in front of her all-day-sitting son, who doesn’t even put the plates and cups in the washbasin after a meal, let alone washing them. The son who calls his mother from outside to make tea or bring a glass of water—will these boys care for their parents in old age? Serving parents in old age doesn’t mean keeping them in your house or that only your wife will take care of their food, clothing, and medicine expenses. This is just about the use of money—something even a woman can do, and much better than a man.
Household chores are not like studying, business, or any other job that can be skipped for a day. If you don’t perform them, your mother has to do so since there is no maid or servant culture in our state, Kashmir. One reason why our mothers are ageing quickly is due to working all the time, becoming exhausted without proper rest or exercise. Household work is not easy. If one takes it on, no time remains for other work. However, in the modern world, the community has internalised the fact that household chores are not to be confined to only one person.
Some women, with whom others may feel envious, deserve respect. I truly appreciate women who earn money—either at home or outside—while also maintaining their household and family. These women are far better than those who spend their spare time gossiping, creating facades, peeking into others’ lives, and ruining their families. Because of such women, the dignity of innocent women has also diminished in the eyes of men and society.
First, don’t teach household chores only to daughters; include sons as well so that the notion of low-value work in both genders will dissipate. This will bring comfort to mothers at home, free of indignity and insolence. It will also help sons appreciate their mothers’ hard work and sacrifices, and reduce gender conflicts within the family. A brother would respect his sister more.
Don’t they perceive their mothers, ageing and weakening day by day? Don’t they covet ease for themselves? This is not something that makes them less independent. In contrast, independence means being self-sufficient in all aspects and not needing anyone else. Cooking, cleaning, etc., are skills in themselves; many people, despite knowing the methods, are unable to execute them, while others have become proficient—cutting vegetables on a chopping board in various styles, cooking like a chef, and cleaning using physics and chemistry techniques. They do this swiftly and with dignity.
If you truly want to serve your mother, help her with household chores, whether you are a boy or a girl. For girls, this won’t harm your independence; rather, it will present you as a resilient girl who is skilled in everything. Once you begin earning money, you can hire servants for yourself and your mother. But if that’s not possible yet, do it just for the sake of your precious mother, not out of the burden of the in-laws’ family.
For boys, it won’t hurt your pride or invade your so-called masculinity. Men who earn enough should employ maids or servants in their homes. This is not a foreign culture but a means of easing the burden on women who have sacrificed everything for their families and households.
Ultimately, women should engage in household chores, especially since men have already been assigned tasks that demand greater physical energy. A man drenched in sweat cannot effectively take care of household chores either. However, this is not an excuse to belittle the opposite gender for this.
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