Lavish customs and relentless societal oppression have turned marriage into a distant dream for countless Kashmiri girls, imprisoning them in cultural shackles
In our valley, what was once a beautiful and sacred bond—marriage—has sadly become a heavy burden, particularly for our girls and daughters. This pure institution, which should bring peace, companionship, and stability, has been hijacked by materialism, greed, and the ever-growing pressure of show-off culture. Lavish customs, meaningless traditions, and extravagant demands have made marriage a nightmare for many families, especially those who are financially weak. As a result, countless Kashmiri daughters remain unmarried—not because they lack character, faith, or education, but simply because their families cannot afford to fulfil the ever-increasing societal expectations.
Fathers who are unable to meet these unrealistic demands often live in stress and helplessness. They watch their daughters grow older in silence, burdened by the fact that they cannot afford luxurious wedding functions, gold, dowries, and designer clothes. Society’s expectations have become so harsh and unforgiving that a simple, modest wedding is now considered shameful. If a father chooses to marry his daughter off in a simple way, people question his respect, mock the family, and look down on the girl. These cruel judgements hurt not only the family, but especially the girl, who begins to see herself as a burden.
As a result, thousands of young women in our valley remain unmarried, despite being of suitable age. According to some reports, over 65,000 girls in Kashmir have already crossed the typical age of marriage, and many are still waiting for a match. In Srinagar alone, the number of unmarried women who have crossed the age of 30 is reported to be around 45,000. This is not just a number; these are real lives—real girls with dreams, desires, and dignity. Every day, the burden of these expectations grows heavier on them and their families.
Another major reason behind this growing crisis is the unrealistic expectations placed on the groom. Many families—especially girls’ families—demand that the boy must be a government employee, own a luxury house, have a high income, and come from an influential or noble family. While everyone has the right to seek a good life partner, such demands have gone far beyond reasonable standards. This has made it extremely difficult for many sincere and capable young men to marry—even when they are financially stable and good in character, but not from a “luxurious” background.
This entire mindset is completely opposite to the teachings of Islam. Our Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) warned us clearly, “When Nikkah becomes expensive, then adultery becomes easy, and when Nikkah becomes simple, then adultery becomes expensive.” This means that when we make marriage hard by adding costs and complications, people will be pushed towards sin and immorality. We are now experiencing the bitter fruits of these wrong trends. The rise in rape cases, immoral relationships, and mutual adultery is not just a result of bad morals, but also because society has blocked the doors to halal while opening wide the doors to haram.
Today, we are destroying the very foundation of our society by promoting luxury weddings over simple Islamic marriages. One of the biggest culprits is the growing list of lavish customs in our marriages. We have introduced meaningless rituals like gewan weal, extra dishes of meat, decorative designs, and useless show-off trends that serve no purpose other than to impress guests. These practices put financial strain on families, especially those from middle-class and poor backgrounds. Many families even take loans just to meet these societal expectations, falling into years of debt and humiliation.
All of these customs go against the clear guidance of the Holy Qur’an, which teaches: “Extravagant people are among Shaitan’s brethren.” (Surah Isra 17:27). This verse is a warning to us. Spending beyond limits just to impress others is not only wasteful but also spiritually dangerous. It removes the blessings from the marriage and turns a sacred bond into a commercial deal.
If we truly want to protect our daughters, our youth, and our society, then we must make urgent changes. We need to return to the simplicity and dignity of Islamic marriages. A marriage should be based on taqwa (God-consciousness), compatibility, and character—not on wealth, status, or show-off. We must teach our youth that a pious partner is far better than a rich one, and a simple home filled with love and faith is far better than a palace filled with pride and arrogance.
It’s time for us as a community to take a firm stand. Let us stop judging people by how expensive their weddings are. Let us not mock simple marriages, but rather celebrate them and make them our new tradition. Let us support those who choose simplicity and not isolate them socially. Imams, scholars, elders, and youth must all speak up and encourage the change. Schools, mosques, and community centres should educate people about the importance of simple, halal, and dignified marriages.
Every girl deserves a chance to begin a new life with respect, without being labelled as a burden just because her father cannot afford to meet unnecessary customs. Every boy deserves a chance to marry based on his piety and sincerity—not just his job title. Marriage should be a blessing, not a reason for debt, dishonour, or disobedience to Islamic principles.
Let us break these chains of societal expectations. Let us go back to the Sunnah. Let us make marriage easy and adultery difficult—not the other way around. Only then can we protect our daughters, our faith, and our future.
Amaar Mir
am********@***il.com