It’s not uncommon for toddlers or teens to use tears or tantrums to convince their parents to give them what they want –whether it’s a mobile phone, a toy, a car or a motorcycle. It’s the form of either emotional expression (if they get results, it might be a new tactic for the future) or this behaviour is part of normal child development.
The psychology behind the emotional tactics
Because it sometimes works: Kids are quick learners. If crying = result, they’ll try it again (basic strategy). Whereas teens slamming the doors because it’s simply what they’ve learned works.
Learning to express themselves: Kids cry because they don’t have words. Teens have mastered emotional control and get dramatic.
Testing Boundaries: Part of growing up is figuring out where the boundaries are. They naturally test the limits of what is acceptable( how far they can go and what your reaction will be).
Feeling heard and respected: It’s about independence, attention, fairness and control. Kids want to feel powerful and teens want to be respected.
Young kids: From tears to tantrums
Let’s face it – they are emotions in human form. One second they’re fine, next they’re on the floor.
What helps?
- Stay cool and calm – your cool and calm helps them to regulate.
- Acknowledge the feeling, not demand.
- Teach them a better way, like asking politely or waiting patiently.
- Stick to your ‘no’ – giving in teaches them that crying is not equal to a result.
- Set firm limits – they can understand.
- Be consistent –Consistency helps kids feel secure, even when they don’t like the answer.
Teenagers and their drama zone
They may not cry as openly, but they’ve got their own toolkit:
Negotiating power, Guilt tactics–‘why do you hate me?’, Emotional blackmailing, silent mode tactics, ignoring rules set by parents, telling lies, tantrums and explosive behaviour, leaving education warnings and suicide threats.
What helps?
- Stay calm (Be the rock, respond with calm, clear words)
- Connect privileges to responsibility
- Set your boundary or limits
- Acknowledge their point
- Involve them in decision-making
- Open and honest communication
- Teach them better ways to ask
- Seek professional help
- Don’t pressurise, so that they can develop any bad habits.
Consequences
Development of bad habits, misbehaviour, irresponsible, disrespectful nature, form their own rules, no limits, prone to smoke/drug abuse, demand for other things, incidents like fighting with elders, accident prone, lack of accountability and bunk classes.
Mental issues: Manipulative behaviour can be a sign of mental health issues, like depression, anxiety and trauma. One should take the help of professional experts and peers. The excessive pressure should be avoided, and proper guidance or counselling is the best way to deal with it.
Teens are a very vulnerable phase of the mental and psychological development of an individual.
Conclusion
Crying is a natural part of childhood, but when it’s used as a strategy to get what they want, guide them. You’re not just dealing with emotions, you’re shaping them.
Kaisar Mushtaq
ka*************@***il.com