I have stopped saying ‘Always Here’. We’re taught to be kind, helpful, and giving, but never when to stop.
Eyram Hamid Khan
In response to people thanking me for my assistance, I have recently ceased replying “Always Here”. We say things like that all the time, so I’m sure most of you won’t think much of it. We frequently use expressions like these; it seems as though people no longer recognise the significance of language. We are unaware of the power these words have and how they may either make or ruin a person.
Many members of my generation are unfamiliar with the idea of “boundary”, as we were not taught about it. Who would know what it’s like to establish a boundary or draw a line if we were raised in homes where shutting bedroom doors is against our morals? Because we were raised in a world where everyone is willing to take advantage of us, we forgot that there is a life beyond morality, ethics, and values.
Giving is an exquisite idea. Giving is what I believe in. I believe that having a giving nature fosters and strengthens relationships, and it is amazing to be a giver. Giving requires bravery, yet it’s one of the best things in life. However, have we ever been told when to quit giving? We’ve been trained to treat those around us with kindness, friendliness, helpfulness, empathy, and sympathy, but we’ve never been told to establish boundaries.
By the time we understand it, it’s too late because we know when to start giving but have no idea when to stop. We’ve given everything we’ve ever had, and it has left us hollow. We ask ourselves why we did what we did, but we are unable to find the answers. The lack of answers paves the way for pessimism, which gradually morphs into hatred. The worst part is when that anger turns inward, and we start blaming ourselves, the world, and others – whether they’re accountable or not.
“What makes me this way?”, “It’s all because of me” – these thoughts are stuck in your mind, echoing relentlessly. People frequently tell me that I bring out the “best” in them, but afterwards, they mistreat me. Having said that, I’m not saying that I don’t want to bring out the best in people; in fact, it’s probably one of my best qualities, and I will keep doing so.
However, I’ve learned that I need to know when to stop giving after exhausting myself and coming up empty-handed. The moment you recognise that you are the only one providing and that the person receiving is taking without knowing when to stop, you must stop giving. When you see that the person receiving takes advantage of you and exhausts you, you must take a step back.
You should stop and think about whether you’re losing yourself in the process of giving as soon as it begins to exhaust you. Is the person you are voluntarily giving to able or willing to return even a little portion of it to you? You should back off if the response is “maybe” or “no”. Because takers are unaware of boundaries, you must establish a barrier at that point in order to safeguard yourself and stop.
To realise that you cannot pour from an empty cup, you do not need to be an empathetic person. There is a widespread misconception that people who go through similar hardships should be the ones who voice this. Saying no to others can be difficult for someone who is generally kind. Individuals who were raised with unfulfilled emotional needs or who are madly in love may encounter this and need to establish boundaries for themselves.
Learn to say NO; if you are unable to be available, decline and think things through. It’s alright.
ey**********@***il.com