Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way: Leo Tolstoy in Anna Karenina
His family split into four parallel parts. Partitions do not leave anything indivisible—not even love and unity. They distribute what is undistributable and divide what is indivisible. Partitions disillusion people about the indivisible parts of human life. Families break, love breaks, unity breaks, and trust breaks too. Partitions blindsight and give birth to random violence, ruining every beautiful relationship. Although all were born of one mother and father, they grew up with different characteristics, inverse to one another. Upbringing dominates births and deaths.
Yousef was the youngest son of his parents. His brothers were married and had children as well. Yousef was 28 years old but unmarried, either because he wanted to complete his education first or due to his misogamist tendencies, which developed after multiple affairs during his college and university life. Comprehension spoils relationships because it unfolds their flaws and transitory nature. The promises and vows of fidelity vanish before one’s eyes. This leads to repugnance and hostilities in forming relationships. Beauty fascinates until it becomes unapproachable; it changes into ugliness when proximity transpires. Preservation of beauty needs distance; a gaze perverts it, and a touch contaminates it.
He frequently quoted Khaled Hosseini’s great novel, A Thousand Splendid Suns, in which he says, “Marriage can wait, but education can’t,” as a persuasive justification for not getting married. He felt that the inherent defects of beautiful things could not be understood by others. He experienced the pain of beauty that must die. His elder brothers had their families, so they did not welcome his mother at their homes. Yousef, an orphan, kept his mother with him to look after her. He knew she was a treasure and a medium to convince God of various accomplishments of wishes and prayers. Long ago, she had developed arthritis, which disabled her knees from walking properly. In the cold, her hands would lock up, and she could not grip anything for long. Things slid down from her hands, much like his family had split into various parts, and she could do nothing. The partition incapacitated her and disarmed her. She lost motherly authority and let things choose their own course. This happens when fathers are no longer there to interfere in significant family affairs, handle things wisely, and distribute property equally.
Yousef and his mother began living a different story of life, one that his mother had never seen in her sixty years. Yousef would cook for them. He would make bread and do all the domestic chores. He did it happily and was used to it because he spent three long years in university lodging, where tasks were handled by the lodgers themselves. A university degree may not help you in practical life, but the experience of self-cooking in lodging helps a lot. This is how knowledge and knowing differ. He also stayed away from home due to various jobs in remote places, which improved his culinary skills. He had become self-sufficient and did not require a woman for these domestic chores. People often marry to have a servant in their family who can single-handedly manage all the cooking and cleaning. Yousef had a different perception of marriage. He wanted to handle all the domestic chores himself but sought a wife to support him intellectually. He desired a partner who could read and write with him and discuss literature, religion, and philosophy—like Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir, or Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath. He had a library in his home where he wanted his wife to sit with him to read and write.
His mother did not understand these aspirations. She insisted he get married, choosing a girl for him and asking him to meet her to finalize the marriage. After much insistence, one day Yousef went to see the girl. He asked her about her expectations from marriage, only to find she was far removed from the thoughts and ideas he held. She was not well aware of life’s requirements, having been brought up in a materialistic setup where girls sought big houses, cars, and bank balances. Love and literature did not matter to her. The intellectual aspirations of Yousef clashed with the materialistic expectations of the girl, and nothing positive transpired between them.
After an hour of disparate conversation, both returned home. However, breaking this news to their parents was the real challenge, as they were both ready and happy about the prospects of marriage. They had been encouraged to meet and talk to each other, but neither expected them to say they could not be together. They felt they could not be happy in a marital relationship due to their differing ideologies. Both were chastised by their parents. They tried to explain their ideological differences, but their parents were unconvinced, rooted in their own times when marriages were conducted merely for the collaboration of domestic chores.
The girl got married and divorced after a few years, as material comforts and luxuries left her despairing. She became overwhelmed and lost the excitement of life. She did not understand that the excitement of life is backed by struggles. Pain and suffering provide the vigour necessary for existence. It is suffering that eliminates the ennui of life. She did not realize that existence is driven by the anxiety of having a lot but lacking even more. It is an endeavour for completion, for perfection, and for immortality.
By Fida Hussain Bhat