Opulence And Overspending: The Financial Burden Of Weddings In Kashmir

Extravagant wedding practices have overshadowed the spiritual and cultural values of marriage in Kashmir. To honour the sacred union as described in the Qur’an, a return to simplicity, moderation, and meaningful celebrations is vital for the community.

The Qur’an describes marriage as a sign of Allah’s mercy and love. The relationship between spouses is intended to be one of peace, tranquillity, affection, and the foundation of a family. “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought” (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21).

Marriage is seen as a means to establish a family and fulfil human emotional and physical needs in a lawful and respectful manner. It helps individuals safeguard their modesty and avoid sinful relationships. “Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them” (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:187). This briefly and accurately explains the purpose of marriage according to the Quran. The marriage is formalized by the signing of a Nikah, which legally outlines the rights and responsibilities of both the bride and groom.

To celebrate this sacred relationship, Nikah, we are directed to arrange a celebration feast, Walima, as practised and recommended in Islam with the aim to announce the marriage publicly, including family, friends, and community, to thank Allah for His blessings in bringing the couple together, and to strengthen social ties by sharing food with others. While Walima is encouraged, it should not be excessive or extravagant. The primary focus is on sharing joy and blessings, not on lavish displays of wealth. Simplicity, moderation, and inclusivity are emphasized.

Our weddings often stray from the simplicity and modesty emphasized in Islamic teachings. While celebrations are encouraged, many of us engage in wastefulness, excessive spending, and practices that contradict Islamic values. The Quran clearly condemns such behaviour, stating, “Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful” (Surah Al-Isra, 17:27). Unfortunately, our savings are frequently depleted by non-essential and extravagant aspects of marriage. These unnecessary expenditures not only undermine our values but also place a significant financial burden on families.

We are all familiar with the non-essential and lavish displays that characterize modern weddings, such as renting extravagant halls and spending excessively on elaborate decorations, including expensive floral arrangements, lighting, and intricate setups. These elements often consume a significant portion of the wedding budget. Additionally, numerous pre and post-wedding events—such as engagement parties, bridal showers, and multiple receptions—each require separate budgets for venues, food, and services. Brides and grooms frequently invest substantial amounts in designer outfits and heavy gold jewellery for each occasion.

Kashmiri weddings are renowned for their elaborate Wazwaan feasts; however, the excessive variety of dishes has led to food waste and inflated costs. The demand for an increasing variety of vegetable, chicken, and meat dishes in the Wazwaan has made wedding planning increasingly hectic and demanding. Traditionally, the Wazwaan has been a central element of Kashmiri weddings, but it has strayed from its original simplicity. Even local weddings now feature over a dozen dishes, and during the groom’s feast (Mahraz-saal), the number of dishes exceeds 50, showcasing an overwhelming variety. Both Islamic teachings and scientific guidelines advocate for moderate meat consumption—approximately 150 grams per day. Yet, grand and royal preparations continue to be made for events like the Baarat and Mahraz-saal, perpetuating a culture of excess.

Last month, I attended a marriage ceremony and was surprised by the variety of meals served. However, the cost of each Trami (a cuisine plate shared by four people) has escalated to 4,000 rupees. If there are 400 guests, with 100 Tramis served, the cost just for food would be around 4 lakhs. The food wastage, which is roughly estimated to be 20%, amounts to approximately 75,000 rupees. There was dessert at the end and a separate basket of cold drinks and other items for everyone. Special guests, the Baraat guests, were given dry fruit boxes with 500 rupee notes for each, and for the groom, the box contained a substantial amount, the exact figure unknown to anyone.

Hiring high-end photographers and videographers, along with spending on pre-wedding photoshoots or cinematic wedding films, has become a major expenditure these days. Designer invitations with costly packaging and intricate designs are a waste of money, as they serve a temporary purpose—informing guests about the date, time, and location of the event—and are discarded after the occasion. Much of this spending is driven by social expectations rather than personal desires, leading to unnecessary stress and competition within society. The display of opulence has become increasingly common in Kashmiri weddings, where a combination of tradition and social pressures often results in excessive expenses. While weddings are meant to be joyful and unifying celebrations, our weddings focus more on material extravagance, straining finances and overshadowing the true meaning of the occasion.

Our weddings have undergone a cultural shift, with the hiring of wedding planners and event management companies that provide services such as pandals, hosts, transport, and other amenities. The traditional Mehndi Raat has transformed into a Sangeet Night, often with singers, especially at destination weddings. This trend is largely driven by event management companies. We constantly and surely prefer these elaborate weddings, and what was once considered extravagant is becoming customary, something we might never have imagined. In urban and semi-urban areas, weddings have changed significantly, with the traditional Koshur Khandar disappearing. Weddings have become more about keeping up with others and engaging in social competition. Elements like the mehndi artist, photographer, videographer, and makeup artist have taken precedence over the main ceremony.

In the not-so-distant past, youth from the mohallas would come together to serve at weddings, but now catering teams have taken their place. The traditional Wanwun has been replaced by modern forms of entertainment, leading to the westernization and secularization of our wedding ceremonies. New rituals like the Haldi ceremony, cake-cutting, multiple receptions, and the exchange of gifts have become common. Social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook, where wedding reels go viral, have further fueled this hype, as new customs and trends are constantly being highlighted.

To reduce the extravagant displays in wedding practices, we must shift our focus towards simplicity, mindfulness, and adherence to cultural and religious values. This transformation requires a collective effort within the community, personal discipline, and a commitment to prioritizing the true essence of marriage—love, unity, and spiritual connection. We need to disregard the unrealistic standards set by social media, which often fuel the desire for opulence. By promoting simpler weddings, families can save for their future, reduce stress, and create more meaningful celebrations. Recognizing the experiences of those who regret having extravagant weddings is crucial, and their experiences can serve as valuable lessons. These individuals can highlight the consequences of overspending, such as debt, stress, and the realization that many costly aspects of their weddings were unnecessary.

Despite expressing concerns, people rarely apply these concerns practically, whether from lower middle class, higher middle class, elite, or poor backgrounds—yet the ground reality of extravagant marriage practices remains unchanged. The fact remains: how to erode the culture of extravagant weddings in our society is a complex question. I find myself utterly perplexed and clueless about how we might begin to reduce or erode the extravagant and profligate wedding practices that have become so deeply embedded in our society.

The writer works in the Department of Education

By Rayees ul Islam 

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