This article is about the real men who face such marital issues, not the misogynists, egoistic, opportunist, chauvinist, supremacist, overpowering and overdominant ones, but who in the true sense are struggling to maintain the calm
In the complex web of family relationships, a disturbing trend has emerged: the exploitation of husbands and sons by their wives and mothers. This phenomenon is often overlooked, with the focus primarily on the exploitation of women in marriage. While the notion of wives being exploited by their husbands and in-laws is well-documented, the reverse scenario remains shrouded in silence. However, it’s essential to acknowledge the suffering of men who are trapped in toxic relationships and subjected to emotional, financial, and psychological manipulation by the women in their lives. The challenges faced by men are often ignored or dismissed. It’s time to shed light on the plight of husbands who suffer in silence, their struggles often overlooked and underestimated.
My heart is torn into two, my soul is suffocating under the weight of expectation. I’m trapped between the two women I love, my wife and my mother, each pulling me in opposite directions. The love I have for both of them is genuine, but the pressure to please them is overwhelming. I feel like I’m losing myself, my identity, my sense of purpose. The guilt, the shame, the anxiety, it’s all consuming me, leaving me feeling helpless and alone. I just want to scream, to break free from this emotional prison, to find a way to please both of them, to make them happy, to make myself happy.
Every day is a struggle, a constant battle to balance their needs, their wants, their expectations. My wife wants me to be more romantic, more attentive, and more supportive. My mother wants me to be more responsible, more reliable, and more obedient. I try to meet their demands, to fulfil their expectations, but it’s like trying to hold water in my hands. The more I try to please them, the more I feel like I’m failing. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, never knowing what will trigger an argument, a confrontation or a hurtful comment. I completely understand who is right or wrong in the situation but I have to find mid-way. My wife will say something, and I’ll feel like I need to defend myself. My mother will say something, and I’ll feel like I need to justify my actions. I’m constantly on edge, never knowing what’s going to happen next. The stress, the tension, it’s all taking a toll on my mental and emotional health.
They consider me a medal, a trophy to be won, and both want to wear me around their neck, to show me off to the world. They don’t see me as a person, with my own thoughts, feelings, and desires. They see me as a possession, a prize to be claimed, and it’s suffocating me. It’s a never-ending cycle, a constant battle, a war that’s raging inside me. I feel like I’m stuck in a never-ending nightmare, with no escape, no respite, no peace. All this was said by Abaas Ali, who has been married for the past seven years and is stuck in the middle.
Being stuck between a wife and a mother can be a daunting and emotionally draining experience for men. The pressure to please both women, who often have different expectations and demands, can lead to feelings of frustration, anxiety, and helplessness. One of the most significant challenges men face in marriage is the lack of communication. Many men struggle to express their emotions and feelings, leading to a sense of disconnection.
Mothers and wives may use guilt, anger, self-pity, emotional manipulation, financial exploitation, social isolation, disconnection, interference in marriage, favouritism and physical, mental and verbal abuse to control their sons and husbands, making them feel responsible for their emotions and well-being. The consequences of such exploitation can be severe, including marital problems, emotional trauma, financial problems, anguish and grief, social isolation, strained relationships and loss of identity.
As a man marries, he’s expected to be the rock, the pillar, and everything else. The world whispers, “You’re now the ultimate provider, the solver of all problems, the keeper of all secrets.” The burden of responsibility is crushing, the weight of anticipation overwhelming. He’s expected to be calm, composed, collected, and perfect with no room for vulnerability or weakness. But what of his own doubts, fears, and uncertainties? The expectations are suffocating, the pressure crushing, as he struggles to live up to the ideal of the perfect son, husband, father and man. So, why do husbands suffer in silence? The answer lies in a complex web of societal expectations, cultural norms, and personal fears. Many husbands feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit to being exploited, fearing ridicule, judgment, or rejection. Others may believe that seeking help will damage their marriage or lead to divorce and also will give them social shame.
The struggles of men in marriage are real, and they deserve equal attention and support. We must acknowledge the suffering of men and provide them with the support and resources they need. Men who are stuck between their wives and mothers need patience, support and understanding. They need to feel like they can talk openly and honestly about their feelings and needs, without fear of judgment or criticism. This also includes: raising awareness, providing support like offering counselling, therapy, and support groups for husbands who are being exploited, recognising the exploitation, seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist, setting boundaries and seeking legal help, encouraging open dialogue, creating a safe and non-judgmental space for husbands too to share their experiences and feelings. By acknowledging the difficulties that men face in this situation, we can work towards creating a more supportive and understanding environment, where everyone can feel safe and empowered to navigate their relationships and find a sense of balance and harmony. We can create a more equitable and just society, where all individuals can thrive in their relationships. It’s time to break the silence and start a conversation about the unseen and unspoken struggles of men in marriage.
The writer is a research scholar – SET,NET, MPhil, PhD (Environmental Science), PGDDM, Ex JRF SERB DST PROJECT, Academic Arrangement AP, Research Associate ‘NLC’ at SKUAST-K
Dr Inam Sabha Hameed
sa*******@***il.com