Sheru’s Salad Offensives


Some years ago, and for the first time in fourteen years, Sheru forgot his salad. A call from the office reminded him of his duty. Sheru felt ashamed. What would the buchis think? Sheru had to rush.

Sheru has written about all aspects of life – the buchis, mostly, their nakhrey, aunties, Roadside Romeos, teachers, doctors, lawyers, human rights activists…the Hurriyat Conference. Sheru has not spared even his former boss.

Sheru has enjoyed making salad.

One day, almost a decade ago, when a colleague of Sheru’s was at the College of Education to cover a women’s function, he saw a renowned lady talking about Sheru and criticizing him for what she described as Sheru’s misadventures.

The colleague called Sheru up, and Sheru heard every word over the phone.

Unfortunately for the lady, it was Saturday, and Sheru was just gearing up for his weekly salad.

Sheru took the lady to task for criticizing him behind his back.

The salad left the lady stung. Sheru was told to take care. The lady had vowed to draw the map of the world on his face with her long nails which Sheru used to call claws in the good old days.

But the lady should have known that Sheru does not care.

Out came another salad to provoke the lady further.

But the lady saw reason, and avoided confronting Sheru.

Another salad that made Sheru sad was about a buchi at the SKIMS, whom Sheru had never seen.

The buchi had discussed Sheru with a colleague, and the colleague narrated the whole story to Sheru in the evening.

Naturally, sheru ko ghussa aya, and a salad exploded like a bomb on Sunday.

Sheru wrote about the buchi without knowing anything about the buchi.

Now, it so happened that Sheru’s words had somehow hit home.

The buchi suspected Sheru’s friend of having shared some vital information with Sheru. But this was not true, as Sheru’s friend himself was unaware of the buchis problems.

Sheru felt bad about hurting the buchi so badly.

In 1997, Sheru wrote a strong piece, taking its title from a Gurdas Maan song in which the Punjabi singer accuses his beloved of bey wafaii.

The salad upset the stomach of the buchi concerned so severely that she did not take any food for three days.

She had made a cutting of the salad, duly laminated, and showed it to Sheru a few months later.

But Sheru had not felt sorry for this salad.

Sheru does not know why.