Long Live the Plastic Dil!

BY SHERU

Scientists have recently added a new dimension to laive. An artificial dil (heart) has been produced in the laboratory and they believe it can be transplanted into humans. It may save some lives, but Sheru is worried. What happens to the shairi (poetry)? Only a fool will carve out beautiful verse for an artificial dil.

A colleague told Sheru that the artificial dil will beat. Well, Sheru knows it will beat. But will it beat like the original dil on seeing a buchi? Will it miss a beat at times like the original dil? Sheru has repeatedly written that dil does not operate on its own. It is the brain that tells it to beat or stop beating.  But dil ka maamla is always different.  What happens if a buchi comes to know that her prince charming has an artificial dil? And what happens when a person in laive comes to know that his beloved has a dil made of plastic?

Good old people have coined terms like sher dil, darya dil , zinda dil  and even murda dil.   All these beautiful words will be lost when the plastic dil starts beating in a human body.  An artificial dil cannot be   zinda dil even if it beats.  Similarly, an artificialdil cannot be as vast as a darya (river). It will remain murda (dead), and as time passes, the number of murda dils will grow immensely.  Sheru does not want to live in that era.  zindagi zinda dili ka naam hai!

Many people believe dil is pagal (mad).  Do the scientists intend to make the dil saner by using plastic or rubber to manufacture it?  Some fifteen years ago, Sheru annoyed the buchies by writing dil tou dustbin hai.   Dustbins are mostly made up of plastic and so is the artificial dil. Have the scientists taken a cue from Sheru’s salad?

But as they say, every cloud has a silver lining: the artificial dil shall go a long way in preventing suicides triggered by failed laive affairs.  Sheru believes the new dil will be a bit mechanical. It will, therefore, be easy to keep it within `prescribed’ limits.  Similarly, there will be no more heart attacks.  And slowly but surely, the Urdu language will get poorer. Some expressions, in addition to those mentioned above, will be lost.  dil aana, dil tootna (soft plastic does not break) and dil doobnawill be lost for ever.  Even the Kashmiri language will lose a beautiful expression – dil rawun.  khuda ki panah. What happens to the women who suffer from dil rawun very often?

And, Chacha Ghalib will be taking uncomfortable turns in his grave. But who cares for Ghalib in contemporary times when Urdu is butchered by ignorant people. Long live the plastic dil!

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